What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
I just had a near-se* experience…
My whole wife flashed before my eyes.
“Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.”
- Elbert Hubbard
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It was either chasing an egg or being chased by an egg, I’m not sure which came first.
Why are cowboys prone to gambling?
Because they're always raising the steaks.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Jess.
Jess who?
Jess let me in.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
What's a dancer's favorite Thanksgiving food?
Twerky
"Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy."
~ Huey Long
What’s your sign? Mine is stop.
How much does a polar bear weigh? Less than you, I would guess.
Why did the rubber chicken cross the road?
To stretch her legs.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
I telephoned the tennis star Serena Williams for an interview and asked her, “What’s your favourite planet?”
Her: It’s Venus.
Me: Sorry Venus, would you put Serena on the phone?
Why did you act like that at Thanksgiving dinner? I yam what I yam.
If fish is brain food, what do dumb people eat? Noodle soup.
When I look into the Mirror of Erised, I see you giving me your number.
I went to a new kind of show yesterday, which was hosted by a color-changing lizard. He was a good stand-up chameleon.
Do you have my other lung? Because I’ve been LUNG-ing for you.
How will you make the earth clean? By giving it a meteor shower.
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
You are such a perfect arrangement of atoms.
A small child was brought into hospital the other day after swallowing several small toy horses.
The doctors report that he is in a stable condition.
What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
Will you be the perimeter to my world?
“Oh, deer! Christmas is here!”
What the difference between you and a calendar? a calendar has dates.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
What do you call a person that chops up cereal. a cereal killer.
Sorry for cutting you in line, I was hoping you believe in love at first sight.
Irish food is legen-dairy.
Baby are you an angel? Because I'm a atheist.
The lager you wait, the better it tastes.
Q. Why was the stag thrown in the army brig?
A. Due to deer-eliction of duty.
“Best Friend: One million memories, ten thousand inside jokes, one hundred shared secrets.”
— Unknown
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
My eyes are full of tears,
that they can see no more.
I wish you were here.
But only to chop these onions for me.
“Did you hear the forecast for Christmas Eve? They’re calling for rain, dear!”
"The easiest time to fall asleep is just after turning off the alarm clock."
– Unknown
A friend of mine asked me to go hunting up in a dangerous mountain range.
I didn't bother because i thought the steaks were too high
What do you call a skeleton snake?
A rattler.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
"I am having an out-of-money experience." ~ Anonymous
Go to BabaMail
