If you make a mistake of playing basketball with pigs, they will hog the ball.
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.”
– Dave Barry
My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice
It was cold hard cash.
A black bloke's back brake-block broke.
What was Moses' favorite color?
Red, see?
"Lose an hour in the morning and you will spend all day looking for it." — Richard Whately
"There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation."
Why did the insomniac man get arrested? He resisted a rest
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
My wife won a large ceramic pot
She definitely urned it.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello from the other side!
What’s the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?
One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!
The skeleton was scared of going skiing, he didn’t want to wrist it.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.”
- Phyllis Diller.
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
Why did the PowerPoint presentation cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
Alcoholism is the only disease that tries to convince you that you don’t have it.
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
What’s your go to order at a bar? Mine is A Big Ale
Did you just hit me with a pitch? I'm feeling faint.
How long have I loved you? I’ve lost track.
Where do ski instructors keep their money?
In the local snow bank.
Did you know it's illegal to water your plants in China ?
It causes the microphones to rust.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
I got fired from my job as a train operator and my job as a lightning rod.
I guess I'm just a bad conductor.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Are you powdered sugar? Because you're sweet, and fine!
You're one in a melon.
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
I know a man whose last name is Storm
He has three daughters: Summer, April, and Haley.
One day, a fourteen-year-old weasel walked into a local pub. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are underaged. I can’t serve you beer.”
The weasel asks, “What can I have?” The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel..
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
Why do volleyball players join the military? They want to gain extra experience in the service.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
Why does a duck say quack?
Because it can’t say moo.
The Paddington bears don’t eat lots of marmalade sandwiches because they are already stuffed.
A crow invited his buddies over to hang out but they didn’t show up.
He was charged with attempted murder.
Why wouldn’t anyone play with the little longhorn?
He was too much of a bully.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a frog?
A jump rope.
I have a good nature joke but after listening to it, everyone just leaves.
Q. What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A. A walkie talkie!
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
Go to BabaMail
