Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
What drug is illegal in the ocean
Sea weed
So my girlfriend left a note on the fridge saying "Sorry, this isn't working."
Then I opened the fridge and it was still working. Phew, I thought something bad is going to happen today.
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, but a Zippo is a little lighter.
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
What did the baby mosquito say after his first flight?
“Mama, mama! Did you see that? Everyone was clapping for me!”
Did you hear that Mexicans created a machine that dispenses fish?
They call it a pez dispenser.
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hot dog and a Fenway Park hot dog? You can buy a Yankee Stadium hot dog in October.
“A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.” —Dave Barry
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
“Keep calm and pretend it’s not Monday.”
When I count my blessings, I make sure to count you twice.
What did the angry witch do after sitting on her broomstick?
She flew off the handle.
Hi, Santa said you wished for me. Good choice.
"Go home! Go home! Go home! With me."
- Family Matters
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
Hi, my friend thinks you're kinda cute, but I don't. I think you're absolutely gorgeous.
A space fish is usually called starfish.
Dark-colored huskies found in Colorado can also be termed as dusky huskies!
What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
All heck broke juice.
The best holiday for you to go bowling is thanksgiving because you will get turkeys.
What do you call a row of 5 tow trucks?
A foot.
"The more you know, the dumber you sound to stupid people."
Anonymous
What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
“Parents of newborn babies are basically hostages in their own house with a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome.”
- Nate Smith.
Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk past the pill cupboard quietly?
So she wouldn’t wake the sleeping pills.
“Did you know the actual difference between hill and hell is just a fine line?”
"Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one." — Benjamin Franklin
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
I hate being bipolar...
It's great!
Why is it always cold during Christmas? Because its Decemburrrrrrrr.
My colleagues took April Fools Day pretty seriously this year.
Over a month and a half of going into the office and they're all still hiding from me.
What do you call a frog with no back legs?
Unhoppy.
Let’s get elf-ed up.
"You bake me crazy."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Cash.
Cash who?
Yes! I've always known you were a bit nutty!
"Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?"
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
What is a deer’s favorite meal of the day?
“Deer-ner.”
I'm sorry did you say you drove the ski-doo, what's your ring size?
What has no pants and screams like a bear? A bear.
How do bats tell their future? They read their horrorscope.
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
What did the Turkey wear on Halloween?
He was a goblin.
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
Water you doing, my friend?
How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
Go to BabaMail
