Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was polar.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
I’m a wrapper, so I get a lot of dough. A bread wrapper, that is.
Baby, if you were words on a page, you’d be fine print.
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
A chicken goes into a library. He stands at the librarian's desk and says, "Buk," so she gives him a book. A couple of minutes later, the chicken returns. "Buk," he says, and she hands him another book. This goes on and on.
Finally, it is the librarian's break time. She goes out back to get some fresh air by the pond. That is when she sees the chicken and a frog on a lilypad. "Buk," says the chicken as he tosses a book to the frog. "Reddit," replies the frog...
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Gosh, don’t cry it’s just a knock knock joke.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
Have you heard about the guy who stole a truck carrying supplies of disinfectant? Police say he made a clean getaway.
How does herpes get out of the hospital ?
On crotches.
What should you double check when buying an electric car?
That your driving license is current.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
It’s so hot that my kite crashed and burned.
What type of music should you play at a St. Patrick’s Day party?
Sham-rock!
“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.”
- Erma Bombeck.
My friend over there really wants your number so he knows where to get a hold of me in the morning.
What is a ghoul's favorite soup?
Ghoul-ash.
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
What did Homer Simpson say when he saw a female deer?
“Doe!”
What do you call two crows flying together?
An attempted murder
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
"Does your father sell diamonds? Because you are FLAWLESS!"
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
I bet you don’t talk to strangers. But, if you had my number in your phone book, we wouldn’t be strangers anymore.
“Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans. It is lovely to be silly at the right moment.”
- Horace
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
What do you call an alligator that’s a very skilled conversationalist?
A dialogator.
Is there an excessive heat warning or am I just hot for you.
"If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, keep away from children." – Susan Savannah
Babe, your eyes are bluer than the ocean Columbus sailed… and I’m lost at sea.
Today I be-leaf in leprechauns
If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
I didn't want to believe my husband was robbing golf courses...
But I couldn't ignore the red flags!
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
I broke up with my girlfriend after she contracted the corona virus
I’ve decided to wash my hands of her.
Did you damage my cerebellum? Because I’m falling all over the place for you.
Alone in his pen.
Sits solemn and scared,
For they 'did in' his hen.
They took her off Sunday,
Then snuffed out her life.
And now he's alone,
Cause they've eaten his wife.
Thanksgiving now over,
He preens with relief.
He can muster a gobble,
Along with his grief.
He pecks round his pen,
For some 'scratch' sprinkled there.
Grows quite happy again,
Not remotely aware . .
That Christmas is coming
For family and friend,
And for Christmas, at dinner;
They'll eat turkey again.
- Diane Lefebvre
What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A stamp.
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
What do Penguins sing on a birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
It’s so hot my campfire lit itself.
"So… Do you like cheese?"
- Duke, She’s The Man (2006)
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
Why are witches good at farming?
Because they love occult-ivation.
What is a criminal group of kangaroos called?
A gangaroo.
Why did the elephant ask to borrow a suitcase?
Because he only had a little trunk.
My mum makes the best soups. She is a real soup-erstar.
Go to BabaMail
