When fishing, is there ever a good reason to take the worm off the hook?
I guess that’s debaitable.
I was thinking whether I should write you or not.. but honestly, there isn’t Hannah-other better choice than to
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
What did the commedian say after after a bad set?
That crowd was laughtose intolerant.
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
What is a ghosts favorite soup? Scream of Broccoli.
Last night my house was broken into, and all they stole was soap.
Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean.
Are you a pizza at a Chinese buffet? Because I want you, but can I trust you?
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
Andy Borowitz
Do you ever wake up, kiss the person beside you and feel glad you are alive?
I just did and apparently I will not be allowed on this airline again!
A big black bug bit a big black dog on his big black nose!
When do chickens go to bed?
Half past hen!
Dracula decided it was time to give his son "the talk"
Dracula: "You see, when two monsters love each other very much, they-"
Son: "They do the mash."
Dracula: *nodding* "They do the monster mash."
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”
Bill Watterson
When are you going to invite me to church?
Why couldn't the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
What do you call a girl who is standing directly in the middle of the court? Annette.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? CHICKEN CAESER SALAD.
It's not that I don't want to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen
A salesman knocks on a door and a little kid answers. The kid's got a cigar in one hand and a beer in the other. Salesman says, "Are your parents home?" Kid says, "What do you think?"
What do you call someone from Spain who lives near the Portuguese border?
Span-ish.
After I helped a peach with some work, she said, "I really ap-peach-iate your help!"
What’s the capital of France?
The F.
I used to play triangle in a reggae band but I had to give it up. It was just one ting after another.
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
― Charles M. Schulz
What sound drum set from the junkyard makes?
Ba-dump-tss
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
You are more precious than my blue suede shoes
The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
You make me feel a lot giddier like I have eaten a box of chocolate.
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
How did the penguin pass his driving test?
He winged it.
You are the best compression gear because you made my blood flow.
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
Why do flamingos fly south in winter? Because it would be too far to walk.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
If you have a line of 100 rabbits in a row and 99 of them take 1 step backwards, what do you have? A receding hare line.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play? A mouse organ! Why do mice have long tails? Well, they'd look silly with long hair!
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
When I got my first job at the bowling alley, I was only tenpin.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
How rude-olf of you.
What do cats do after watching a play? Give a round of a-paws.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one free of charge.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
Go to BabaMail
