I was wondering about the color of the wind when it suddenly occurred to me that it blue.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ben
Ben who?
Ben knocking on this door all morning, let me in!
A Mathematician, an engineer and a physicist were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train.
“Aha”, says the engineer, “I see that Scottish sheep are black.”
“Hmm”, says the physicist, “You mean that some Scottish sheep are black”.
“No”, says the mathematician, “All we know is that there is at least one sheep in Scotland, and that at least one side of that one sheep is black!”
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
Which fish can perform operations? A Sturgeon!
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
I was attacked by a group of mimes.
They did unspeakable things to me.
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
“There are only two seasons – winter and Baseball.” – Bill Veeck
Why did the bat often use mouthwash? She had bat breath.
How do you make a telephone in the jungle?
With toucans and a piece of string.
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
"I’m so poor I can’t pay attention." ~ Ron Kittle
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
You are astoundingly gorgeous, but I can tell that’s the least exciting thing about you. I’d love to know more.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
I used to get a nasty electric shock every time I touched something metallic. But thankfully I’m cured.
I’m ex-static!
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
What was Peppa Pig's family doing on Thanksgiving?
They were bacon stuff.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize.
Can you give me directions to your heart? I've seemed to have lost myself in your eyes.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
What happened when rockers couldn't get their favorite dessert? Rage against the Broken Ice Cream Machine.
Baby, are you a slippery pool deck? Because I’m falling for you.
The refs kept calling interference, even though goalmouth incidents were in
de-crease.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
Despite the pun being so orange-inal, it wasn’t all that funny.
“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”
- Jarod Kintz.
What's the article of winter clothing most appropriate for Valentine's Day?
's mitten.
I saw a mosquito in the kitchen. I could have killed it, but I let it fly away...
That's probably going to come back to bite me later.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
Have you ever seen a baby dragon eating ice cream?
It'll melt your heart.
“Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!”
— Tom Smothers
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
I am.
I am who?
You mean you don’t know who you are?
-
I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail.
But apparently, you're not allowed to end a sentence with a proposition.
What is a ghoul’s favorite snack food?
Ghoul scout cookies!
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Ivan.
Ivan who?
Ivan to do something naughty with you.
Why are frogs so happy?
Because they eat whatever bugs them.
If you were to be as rich as your number, how much are you worth?
Do You Know How Crabs Get Around On Land?
They Use The Sidewalk!
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
This may be cheesy, but I think you're grate.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery?
Because he heard the cakes were rich.
Are you a chocolate cake? I’m craving something sweet.
Go to BabaMail
