How does an otter get into an honest business? Usually through the skylight.
It’s so cold we have to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our clothes!
What do you call a polyarmourus deceased gorilla?
Harembe.
My computer's favorite singer is A Dell.
Why was the artist in an argument? She wanted to have the final clay.
What are ants made of?
Antimatter.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
Aww, what's your pup's name? He has such a sweet face.
What do you call a man with no legs and no arms resting on a porch?
Matt.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
Which is the most religious cheese? Swiss, because it is holy.
What's a king's favorite kind of precipitation?
Hail!
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
A friend of mine asked me to go hunting up in a dangerous mountain range.
I didn't bother because i thought the steaks were too high
Are you a break stroker? Because you make my knees weak.
The success in this sport is not how you bowl, but how you roll.
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
As he gobbled the cakes on his plate, the greedy ape said as he ate: The greener green grapes are, the keener keen apes are to gobble green grape cakes. They’re great!
So apparently coles has a new thing where you can only have one salad per transaction
They’re calling it coleslaw..
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
People are always after me lucky charms.
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
A bear covered in a bunch of crows gives the picture of a grizzly murder.
How do you know that it's too cold outside for a picnic?
You chip your tooth on the soup.
Did you know there’s an app for corn growers?
It’s made in Sili-corn Valley!
What do you call a militia of pigeons?
A coo.
How can you tell if a car is from Switzerland?
It remains in neutral.
Where does a 500-pound penguin sit?
Anywhere it wants.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
Are you a flower? Because I'd love it if you planted one on me.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of dog?
A blood hound.
My dad always said the secret to theatre was to always leave them wanting more.
He was a great guy but a terrible anaesthetist.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
What sort of lights were on Noah’s Ark?
Flood lights.
"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."
What type of mushrooms can you put on a jacket? Button mushrooms.
"They say true love hides in every corner. I must be walking in circles." - Unknown
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest are all true stories.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
Why couldn't the squirrel eat the macadamia nut?
It was one tough nut to crack.
“Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.”
- David Frost.
What’s black and white and stands in the corner?
A naughty panda.
Hey girl, do you ref during the playoffs? Cause you look like you can swallow a whistle.
I hope you know CPR, baby because you take my breath away.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
Go to BabaMail
