Did you hear about the boy that went missing in the hospital?
Turns out he was just playing peek-a-boo ICU
Wondering about a peach's favorite sci-fi novel? It's 'When You Peach Me'.
"Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it." — Phyllis Schlafly
I love the name Charlie. Just wanted you to know I’d never Char-leave you.
A potato gave a gift to his girlfriend.She said, “Aww, why are you so sweet? ”He said, “It’s just the
way I yam.”
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
Did you hear about the notebook who married a pencil? She finally found Mr. Write.
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.
“The road to success is always under construction.”
Three tomatoes are walkin' down the street.
Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato.
Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry.
Goes back and squishes him and says: "Ketchup."
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
You’re so pharma-cute-ical!
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
I ate an omelette for breakfast…
but I’m still feeling peckish.
I didn't believe in predestination until I met you.
How do you stop a werewolf attacking you?
Throw a stick and shout “Fetch.”
I hope you prefer men who take grooming seriously.
Why can't you take a turkey to church? They use FOWL language.
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
What do you call a werewolf YouTuber?
A lycansubscribe
This is snow laughing matter!
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Tigers are probably the most roarsome animal ever created!
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.
Did they over chlorinate the pool today or is it you making my head spin?
“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown
How can you tell if you are in love?
If they stole a pizza your heart.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
It’s so cold pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils, and penguins.
A snake slithered into a bar and asked the bartender for a drink.
“I’m sorry,” said the bartender, “but I can’t serve you.”
“Why not?” asked the snake.
The bartender said, “Because you can’t hold your liquor.”
What candy is only for girls? HER-SHEy's Kisses!
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
You're just my cup of tea!
You’re the only (cutie) pie I need.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
Do you need more sugar or am I sweet enough?
What did the cowboy say when he bought a yo yo.
This ain't my first yo yo!
“When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”
- Nora Ephron.
Are you a train? Because I want to be the light at the end of your tunnel.
Why couldn’t the old cat see? He suffered from car-aracts
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Why shouldn’t you trust a guy who claims he “wears the pants”?
He probably lies about other stuff too.
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
When can three giant dinosaurs get under an umbrella and not get wet? When it's not raining!
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