I couldn't go out because of the blizzard. So I had to eat storm-ed buns for dinner.

What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.

If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be walking through my garden forever.

Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

I ordered chicken fingers tossed in Buffalo sauce the other day
I asked the chef to be gentle while tossing them though. Because they’re tenders.

I like 25 letters of the alphabet
But I love U.

It’s your birthday at last
You’re getting old fast
Each year whizzes by
Oh how time does fly
So put on your skates
And have a quick blast
Before it’s too late
And your whole life has passed

“Excuse me while I have a Pisces moment.”
— Patricia Lantz

"Did You Notice"

Did you notice I remembered to put the seat down?
And that I washed all the dishes last night?
Were you aware of how attentive I was,
When you came home in such a fright?
You may have noticed; I’m doing so well,
Listening to all the things you request.
I’m adapting myself and becoming a better man,
I even massage you when you are stressed.
Remember the day I took the trash out,
And wiped down the counter so well?
If you’ll recall I made breakfast in bed,
I’m trying so hard, can’t you tell?
And just in case you hadn’t noticed,
This poem is especially for you.
And if you don’t like it, my darling angel,
Well, sorry, there’s just nothing I can do.

Where does a thrifty Frankenstein get his limbs?
At the second-hand store.

Can you feel our love blossoming into a stable relationship?

Which Bible character had no parents?
Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1).

Why did the volleyball player cross the street? There was a team member bar tending who could serve spiked drinks.

Why does no one trust the man on the moon?Why does no one trust the man on the moon?

Because he has a dark side!

Halloween is over. Why are you still dressed as an angel?

I’ll always be running-back to you.

There was a Young Lady whose chin,
Resembled the point of a pin.
So she had it made sharp,
And purchased a harp,
And played several tunes with her chin.

In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.

Bookworms take shelfies.

Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.

Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.

What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”

Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas? They were empty.

How to spell the potato has tried
Many minds, sometimes mine, I’ll confide.
Though it may have an eye,
There’s no E – don’t ask why!
Not until it’s been baked, boiled or fried.

“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti

I was arrested at the airport. Just because I was greeting my cousin Jack!
All that I said was "Hi Jack", but very loud.

I'm sorry but you need to pay your rent.
You've been living in my heart for quite some time now.

This event is sure to be out of bounds.

“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”

You just caused a heat wave.

I woke up this morning and saw two birds sitting in the sun in my backyard, eating ice cream.
They were Basking Robins.

How do you tell which is the Groom at a Polish wedding?
He's the one with the CLEAN bowling shirt

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Cows go.

Cows go who?

No, cows go MOO!

Where do penguins go to the movies?
At the dive-in!

You looking at me is making me turn as red as that roasted beet salad.

I was watching a chess champion vs a boxing champion match.
The chess player had a mean right rook!

“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu

What is the quickest way to get back on your feet when money isn’t really coming your way?
Miss a car payment.

Woke up with sweats afraid I'd contracted the corona virus...
Changed into jeans and was all good.

Hey, are you Oscar? Because I really want to win you...

Do you have an inhaler? Because you took my breath away.

You’re like the perfect audition piece: rare, beautiful, and extremely worth it.

What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!

What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”

My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.

If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.

Who holds sermons during Sunday in Italy?
The Pasta.

Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.

Hey babe, wanna make a zygote?

What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.