What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).

I’m very frond of you.

What do you call a reindeer ghost? A cari-boo!

What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.

You must be marked Prestissimo… because you’re dashing.

Why are rabbits so lucky? They have four rabbit’s feet.

Your love is like vodka.
You were worth the chase.

The mountain got promoted because he was at the peak of his career!

What does a frog order in Mcdonald's?
French flies and a diet croak.

Her body glistens in the light
I urge to play with her all night
I pick her up and hold her steady
Take a deep breath, we both are ready.

I run one hand up her long neck
Just touching her makes me euphoric
Across her body, my right hand goes
I've been practicing, believe me, it shows.

Her body glistens in the light
I urge to play with her all night.
I pick her up and hold her steady,
Take a deep breath, we both are ready.

Another deep breath, the tension mounts.
Have to stay focused, every moment counts.
I am ready; let's get movin'.
Here it goes, we both start groovin'.

Her body glistens in the light.
I urge to play with her all night.
I pick her up and hold her steady,
Take a deep breath, we both are ready.

I start out slow to get in the swing.
As I do, she starts to sing.
The sounds and feelings grow more immense.
The movements become more intense.

Her body glistens in the light.
I urge to play with her all night.
I pick her up and hold her stea

“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”

What does a chicken need to lay an egg every day?
Hen-durance.

What did the little piglet want from the swine?
A piggyback ride home.

What did the teenage horse say when her phone broke?
I canter even.

I'm like the fabric version of King Midas.
Everything I touch becomes felt.

What did the kangaroo say about the man who kidnapped her joey?
Stop that pick-pocket!

Herb your enthusiasm.

There was a young lady of Kent.
Whose nose was most awfully bent.
She followed her nose,
One day, I suppose,
And no one knows which way she went.

Why did the koala get fired from his job?
Because he would only do the bear minimum.

There once was a lad from West Philly
Who played basketball and got silly
He fought with some brothers
Which worried his mother
Now he's know as Bel Air's Fresh Prince, Willy

Excuse me, is it you or my coffee that’s getting my heart rate up?

Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.

Did the Lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

The coffee shop kept samples of burnt coffee as evidence to fire their roaster.
It was used as grounds for dismissal.

How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!

Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.

Composers always score.

Why are frogs so good at basketball?
Because they always make jump shots.

My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop making monster puns.
So I guess our relationship might as well be ogre.

People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.

When I see you I get a Dirty, Dirty Feeling so Don't Be Cruel and be my Earth Angel

What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!

Are you a lateral pterygoid because you make my jaw drop.

“You are as helpful as a blister on a hike.”

What do you call someone who specializes in growing plants used in witches’ brews?
A hag-riculturist!

What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar.

“Cancers are Moonchildren; totally influenced by the waxing and waning cycles of the Moon. Asking them to remain in one feeling, one mood, or one state of mind is pure insanity.”
— Sherene Schostak

Why don’t bears eat fast food?
Because it’s hard for them to catch.

I'm not a hipster, but I could make your hips stir.

What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...

How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.

Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!

A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it:
Doctor: I have good news and bad news.
Guy: "Whats the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: OMG, and the good news?
Doc: You now have a tic tac toe.

When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.

How did the monster predict his future?
With the horror-scope!

There’s a lot of proposals on cleaning up space in earth’s orbit from broken satellites.
Looks like they’ll need a vacuum cleaner.

Can I be your next varietal?

Your beauty is a singularity. The force of attraction between us is so powerful.

Where do dinosaurs get their mail ? At the dead-letter office!

What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.