What do you call a solar powered keyboard?
A photosynthesiser
What’s something a kangaroo has that no other animal has?
Baby kangaroos.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
In spite of all restrictions because of Covid, diplomats are allowed to travel freely across countries.
Because they have immunity.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crumby!
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
Are you a unicorn cause you are my fantasy.
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Where do the monkeys melt their cheese?
Under the gorilla.
Why did the scientist use a drink container to communicate with dolphins?
Because a bottle knows dolphin.
Did you hear about the crow who worked at a call Center?
He was fired for Just Caws.
What did the teenage horse say when her phone broke?
I canter even.
Every time I passed a ring-shaped coral reef with a coral rim that encircles a lagoon, I had to pay a fee. It was atoll.
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.
In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.
As soon as the plane was invented, things started looking up.
What do you call a large group of sick pandas?
A Pandamic.
What’s a Chinese bear’s favorite organ of the body?
The panda-creas.
"There are two kinds of travel – first class and with children."
– Robert Benchley
Why did the witch's cat scratch her?
Because he was in a bad mewd.
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
“I would sooner be prime minister of the moon than run another marathon. I’ve been really lucky. I didn’t have any toenails fall off or anything disgusting like that. I still have all three nipples.”
– Ryan Reynolds, actor
In the history of bowling, there is one bowler who floats like a butterfly and stings pretty much like a bee. His name is Muhammad Alley.
Two sodium atoms are walking down the street. Suddenly one says “Oh, my God, I’ve lost an electron!” The other says “Lost an electron! Are you sure?” and the first replies “Yes, I’m positive!”
I'd like to get you wet. At least long enough to get you back to the ocean.
I bet you sound like a Tasmanian Devil in bed.
"Just looking on the sunny side."
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
I’m not a photographer, but I can definitely picture your number on my phone.
“A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
My birch of a wife just told me she wants a divorce. Says she’s tired of all of my tree puns.
Flamingos are pretty daring birds. They like just about anything, as long as it’s eggs-citing.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What do alligators and Windows have in common?
Neither of them has enough bytes!
Hey babe, I think its about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
Genoa bout the bridge collapse in Italy?
Ah well, we won't go over it then.
"No doubt a brain and some shoes are essential for marathon success. Although if it comes down to a choice, pick the shoes. More people finish marathons with no brains than with no shoes."
Don Kardong
What does a penguin where to the beach?
An ice cap.
“Little known fact, gentlemen. Tacos are the food of genius.”
― Heather Brewer
Easter is grammatically incorrect.
We should say more east.
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want — he can’t hear you.
You’re so hot you make my lab goggles fog up.
Do you know what is the most favourite fruit in the United States? – Mmm peach!
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