At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
Oh, sorry I spilled your drink. Can I buy you another?
My father decided to mow the lawn today. As he mowed, all the grass blade.
Why was the beaver not arrested when he jumped into the Nile? Because he was a juve'nile.
“Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow…somewhere else!”
What do you call it when you've choked on water while jogging every morning this week?
The worst running gag ever.
Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke.
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
I saw you and I pictured us as swans, we could mate for life.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they have two left feet!
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? They all already have boyfriends.
The farmer called his prize cow a bull-dozer because she was always sound asleep in the fields.
“Candy is nature’s way of making up for Mondays.”
— Rebecca Gober
Love is blind.
Marrying a man, on the other hand, is a real eye opener.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
What kind of books do owls read?
Hoo-dunnits.
You and I are in love
So when you laugh
I laugh
You cry, I cry
You scream, I scream
You run, I run
You smile, I smile
You jump off a bridge
I’m going to miss you.
(Unknown)
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
Why did the girl decide to become an art dealer? Because she wanted more Monet.
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
We have always been in turtle awe of her artistic skills.
When the cats and the bats are about
Many witches are near, no doubt
If one is in sight
And you're filled with fright
Don't worry - just yell out a shout.
Ya know, I was supposed to be a doctor.
But I just didn’t have the patience.
You're hotter than the London Underground during rush hour.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
Why don’t people like grumpy vampires?
Because they have bat tempers.
I'm not like other keyboards...
I'm qwerty
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
Why doesn't Mrs. Clause like to go outside in spring?
Because of all the rain, dear.
Programmer:
A machine that turns coffee into code.
Are you a fairy? Because you are the fulfillment of all my wishes.
We've been driving all day, I need a brake.
My suitcase started crying when I picked it up. I was carrying emotional baggage.
Hurricane Irene is a Category 3, but if it had your name it be a perfect 10.
You are so hot that you light my morning sky with burning love
Pursuing phantoms
Came in the night
From hells realm
Making me take flight
I was so mortally scared
I needed a Bracer
And I quickly followed it
With a Chaser
Though spirituous liquors’
Have their merits
They were no defence
Against evil spirits
- Paul Curtis
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
Orange you excited for Halloween?
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Let’s make like an atom, and split.
Do you have any tape? Because I'm totally ripped.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep? Matt. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob.
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
Go to BabaMail
