Are you a pranayama teacher? Because you just took my breath away.
A potato chip is something
Never ceasing to amuse.
I love it's funny wrinkles
And the crunchy way it chews.
(Anthony Gallagher)
"I'm dyeing to know what's up."
"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love." — Albert Einstein
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
What happens when an alligator drives a boat?
He becomes a navigator.
“A good friend will always stab you in the front.”
— Oscar Wilde
Whilst holidaying in France I saw a group of mushrooms performing Queen covers.
I said 'You're brilliant, what's the band called?'
They replied 'We are the Champignons."
Why was the little bee sent to bed without supper?
Because he wouldn't beehive.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
I'm like a cow in tall grass,
I'm utterly tickled to be here.
I was just reading an article called "10 most scenic runs"... the third one was with you!
Though it sounds mean, a bad soccer team is much like an old bra. It has no cups and minimal support.
What is the first thing that bats learn at school? The alphabat.
I finally decided to sell my vacuum. It was just gathering dust.
"Like all bad drivers, he thought he was the best driver in the world."
- Rebecca West
Let’s list the froze and cons.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
Did you hear about the doctor who was practicing bee venom therapy without a license?
He was arrested in a sting operation.
“Make yourself look really stupid so you don’t feel bad doing something a little stupid.”
- Mark Hoppus
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
What do you call a Greek philosopher who loves rice?
Arisotto.
I’m directing a play about a boy who broke his arm.
You should see the cast.
What do you do with a green ghoul?
Wait until it ripens!
Why didn’t the chef slice his cheese?
He had grater plans.
I’m rooting for you!
Even the Chocolate factory doesn't make candy as sweet as you.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
I was hiking with my friend in the woods and bear attacked him
It was unbearable to watch
Flying for long distances is very Boeing at times
Knock knock…
Who’s there?
Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are?
What does a basketball player say when he misses?
Shoot!
Why was Van Helsing so dedicated to killing Count Dracula?
Because he staked his whole reputation on it!
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
Where do wasps go on holiday?
Stingapore.
I had gradient expectations on him of being a good artist, but it was all in vain!
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
Why can't TLC be nurses?
Because they don't want no scrubs.
What's a camel's favorite part of a meal?
Desert!
What do you call an ant with big hair?
Bouff-ant.
I'm pretty sure I was blind before I met you.
I have a flamingo friend who has a fantastic imagination, but they are always indulging in flights of fancy.
Today I Learned I should NOT have my password be the name of my cat.
I then turned to my cat and said, "Well, wJ:cg/v&A;6BTt, I guess it's back to the drawing board."
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
“Parents of newborn babies are basically hostages in their own house with a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome.” – Nate Smith
Wanna partner up so we can test the spring potential of my bed mattress?
Go to BabaMail
