“Beaver do better work than the Corps of Engineers.”
- Mike Todd.
Why do tigers always hunt and eat their prey raw? Because they don't know how to cook it.
Why are there fish at the bottom of the sea?
Because they dropped out of school.
“Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.“
Bill Murray
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
Belize let me hold you.
I think haikus suck.
Has to be five seven five.
Who came up with this?
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Beaver Y.
Beaver Y. who?
Bea-ver-y quiet, you are in a library.
Which Old Testament prophet took forever to make a point?
“I say… uhhh…” (say it out loud)
Where are koalas taken when they die? To an ancient bearial site.
"Mom Pro Tip – If you’re old enough to critique what I put in your lunch, you’re old enough to make it yourself." – Unknown
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
I like kittens, YEAH!
They are really fluffy, YEAH!
OMG KITTENS.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
Fat man sees small door,
he knows he cannot fit through,
tears flow free now.
What’s so great about whiteboards?
If you think about it, they’re pretty re-markable!
Why did the man get so sad his computer had a virus?
It was a terminal illness.
Steven Wright
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
Why did the fish cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’d rather be dead
Than stuck with you!
“If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys” – James Goldsmith
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
A 9 hour time difference wouldn't keep me from you.
The color turquoise was judged as the best new color because it was cyantifically proven to be.
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
"Love thy neighbor, just watch out for thy husband." - Unknown
“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” – Jon Stewart
Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn’t have the guts.
What did one skeleton say to the other skeleton?
- You’re dead to me.
Why are there no penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What is a bear’s favorite soda?
Coca Koala.
Federer is such a legend that they named the Roger’s Cup, and Fed Cup after him.
When in France, I have Nantes-thing to complain about.
What do you call a lie told by a skeleton?
A fibula.
How can a clam cram in a clean cream can?
Strawberries love delicious food. Their favorite is Jam-balaya.
I bet your muffled screams are as cute as u.
Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?
Attila the Hen.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
What family does Maiasaur belong to? I don't think any families in our neighborhood have one!
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
Go to BabaMail
