What do you call referential cheese?
Feta.
I'm waking up at 5am for hockey. But I would stay up all night for you.
I whale always love you.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
I found this amazing bluegrass band that does covers of 80s rock.
They call themselves Ban Jovi.
I asked the bartender for the WiFi password but he told me to buy a drink first. So I ordered a Moscow Mule and asked him again. He handed me a card with the password. It said:
"Buy a drink first" ... no spaces, all lowercase."
Is that a mirror in your Bible? Because I see you reflecting Christ.
Air resistance is a real drag.
There is a higher chance of being struck by lightning than to be killed in a shark attack.
Shocking isn't it.
A bunch of chill-dren from the neighborhood played all afternoon in the snow.
Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.
Do you beer-lieve in magic?
What do you call a camel with three humps?
Pregnant.
Are we going to do some gravity experiments? Okay, let’s test how fast I would free fall for you.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
I stopped my phones to the cloud, and I kept getting mist calls.
Why do leaves change color in the fall? Because they want to leaf their old color.
Don't use the word "EGG" for your password...
It's very easily cracked.
“Set your clocks at the start of the weekend so that you know just how much fun time you get to have. Then smash your clocks so you won't know when Monday starts.”
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
“This crisp winter air is full of it.” – John Burroughs
What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?
Ones a crustaecian and the other is a crushed Asian.
I need more than 140 characters to tell you how beautiful you are.
Historians have discovered a new Greek God who didn’t excel at anything.
His name was mediocretese.
How did Salvador Dali like to start his mornings? With a bowl of Surreal and milk.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
I went to a cafe for breakfast the other day and ordered eggs.
The woman behind the counter asked me, "How would you like your eggs cooked."
I said, "Does it affect the price?"
"No, not at all." she replied.
I said, "In that case I'd like them cooked with bacon, sausage and tomato please."
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
Why does Elton John HATE lettuce?
Becuase he's a ROCKET MAN...
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no time.”
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
Ever kiss a guy with no teeth?
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
How is a laser beam similar to a goldfish? Neither one can whistle.
“To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.”—Ogden Nash.
Apples and oranges had a conversation one day. Guess what the apples were saying the oranges, nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
Mom, what do we have for dinner? I cannot tell you, son, it is a soup-rise! Is it soup? I soup-pose it would be.
Udon even know how to cook this udon recipe. Fortunately, I can teach you.
I was up all night wondering where the sun had gone for so long but then it finally dawned on me.
The river fish went to the library and asked if he can get a book. The librarian said: "You can start by-rowing it."
I love you more than the sun and moon
I loved you since you left the womb
I love you though you are quite hairy
And I never find it scary
Even when you pick your toes
My love for you only grows
(Anonymous)
Are you from Mars? Because your a** is out of this world!
How fast can a cave become vacant? At the drop of a bat.
What did one slice of bread say to the other at their wedding?
Let’s grow mold together.
What is a cat’s favorite TV show? The evening mews.
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Go to BabaMail
