What’s the difference between a worm and pumpkin?
Have you ever tried worm pie?
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
Just because your football team calls itself the unicorns doesn’t mean they can play in the corn field.
“Monday: nothing a bit of shopping can’t fix.”
I’m super friendly with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I just don’t know why.
Hey girl. Feel my sweater. Know what it’s made of? Husband material.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
I’ve always wanted to be a farmer’s wife.
If you have a line of 100 rabbits in a row and 99 of them take 1 step backwards, what do you have? A receding hare line.
I didn't know WiFi stood for Wireless Fidelity.
I guess I just didn't get the connection.
The most suitable way to bake a pie in autumn is to bake it to pie-fection!
We are perfect balance for each other.
Has Covid-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation.
Did you hear about the secret guild of bakers? They say that they only trade recipes on a knead to know basis.
Something in a thirty-acre thermal thicket of thorns and thistles thumped and thundered threatening the three-D thoughts of Matthew the thug - although, theatrically, it was only the thirteen-thousand thistles and thorns through the underneath of his thigh that the thirty year old thug thought of that morning.
What did the shark say to the whale?
What are you blubbering about?
Beer is the greatest beverage on earth.
That's my pint of view, anyway.
What is a mushroom’s favorite hobby? - Spore-t!
How can you tell if a tree is older than your mother?
It'll be covered in grandmoss.
I built an electric fence around my property yesterday.
My neighbor is dead against it.
Hey there cyclist, is that your kickstand, or are you just happy to see me?
Baby, you can drive my car if we let it be.
What’s a horse’s favorite dinosaur?
The broncosaurus.
I tried to have a conversation with my wife when she was applying a mud pack.
You should have seen the filthy look she gave me.
I slapped my violin out of anger, then I got arrested for domestic violins.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
What do you say you poke-check me real quick?
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
A guy named Bart walks into a bar, he immediately gets shot and dies. Who killed him?
The Bartender.
Have you seen the Greek book that became a movie? You odyssey it.
What is the first thing that bats learn at school? The alphabat.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
I'm using a bra for a face mask.
I like to keep abreast of corona security measures.
What is it called when a cowboy dies and comes back to life?
Reintarnation
My boss fired me.
"Why?" I asked.
He said, "You always question authority."
"How?"
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
Boy: Want to hear a joke?
Girlfriend: Sure.
Boy: Our relationship.
Why did the cat invest in the stock market? He thought is was a good op-paw-tunity
"Today’s goals: Coffee and kindness. Maybe two coffees and then kindness."
— Nanea Hoffman
What has a neck but no head?
A bass.
What kind of croc hangs out in back passages around town?
An Alley-gator.
What did daddy ghoul say to his youngest son?
Stop ghouling around!
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
What happens if you cross a hairdresser and a werewolf?
A creature with an all over perm!
What’s the easiest shot in golf?
Your fourth putt.
"Because I always say, if you're married for 50 years, and 10 of them are horrible, you're doing really good!" —Michelle Obama
What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals.
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