Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
How did the telephone propose to his girl?
Duh, ain’t it obvious? He gave her a ring!
What did the fish say to the mermaid?
- Have a fintastic day!
I dare you to lie that you didn’t find all these space puns hilarious. Th
No one could tame the unicorn. He was horn to be wild.
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
What falls in the winter but never gets hurt?
Snow.
Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
Why wouldn’t the ghost eat liver? He didn’t have the stomach for it.
What did the hummus say to the pita bread when he got sick?
I falafel.
A couple is in marriage counseling and the wife tells the therapist that the husband never buys her flowers.
The husband says...
"I didn’t even know she sold flowers!"
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
Emo bunnies just do not carrot all.
"You'd better be a cardiologist because something about you makes me want to give you my heart."
- Grey's Anatomy
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...
"Swarm."
Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? Because it runs through your jeans. What would you do if I stole a kiss? Call the Police
If you photograph your pimples, is zit art?
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
What do you call an Irish proctologist?
Colin O'Scopy.
What did the duck eat for snack?
Salted Quackers.
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
A classics professor goes to a tailor to get his pants mended. The tailor asks, "Euripides?" The professor replies, "Yes. Eumenides?"
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
Hey did you know you can’t spell Dreamy without Amy?
Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Noah - he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.
Did you hear the joke about the lumberjack, The sheep and the goat?
I wood tell ewe, but it’s a baaaaaad joke
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
What's the difference between a sniper with Parkinson's Disease and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can't hit...
People gave the sun a rating.
It was only one star.
What do you say to your sister when she's crying?
Are you having a crisis?
Camel called.
He wants his toe back.
I'm sorry I'll have to confiscate your driving license...
Because you are driving me crazy!
You looking at me is making me turn as red as that roasted beet salad.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
What did one of Frankenstein’s ears say to the other?
I didn’t know we lived on the same block.
I don’t want naan of that. Neither do I!
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” — Milton Berle
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
“You find out who your real friends are when you’re involved in a scandal.”
— Elizabeth Taylor
How are trumpets like pirates?
They both murder in the high C’s.
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
“You’re my soul Santa.”
Who was the smartest man in the Bible?
Abraham. He knew a Lot.
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