Have you been eating Lucky Charms? Because you're looking magically delicious.
You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
When will a guy ignore even the hottest girl? Right after he "comes" inside. Why do little boys whine? Because they're practicing to be men.
You warm my heart more than the salted caramel hot chocolate on a cold winter day.
Why can't pencils move?
Because they are stationery.
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
Why are people in big cities in Spain always dry?
Because the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
I have the perfect emoji that describes you, but it would look much better next to your number on my phone.
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese
“A party without a cake is really just a meeting.”
― Julia Child
Tomatoes are red, roses are red too. We both know what I truly love is you.
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
Are you from Tennessee?
Because you look inbred.
Belize me, baby, I will Peru'v my love for you at any Cost.
Let’s get elf-ed up.
Police chief: Do you have any leads or suspects for the murder case? Me: I'd like to interview the bartender wearing high heels and a leopard print dress.
Police chief: Please just wear your police uniform.
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? Hot, diggety dog.
Is your body from McDonald's? Cause I'm lovin' it!
I'm giving away a free legless parrot.
No perches necessary.
Where do all the cool mice live? In their mousepads.
“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” —Rodney Dangerfield
Skeleton 1: Why are graveyards so noisy?
Skeleton 2: I don't know. Why?
Skeleton 1: Because of all the coffin.
What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?
The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.
"There’s nothing more tedious than seeing how a person shows his intellect, especially if there isn’t any."
- Erich Maria Remarque
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
When the AC circuits in your home are hit by a DC lightning bolt..
It's a current affair.
I think therefore I yam.
Why did the detectives suddenly appear at the concert at the beach?
Something fishy was going on.
Are you made of grapes? Because you are fine as wine!
What do you call a horse that lives next door to you?
A neigh-bor.
Why can’t minerals ever lie?
They’re always in their pure form.
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He was feeling really crumbie!
“Forget champagne and caviar – taste the world instead!”
What do elephants call their mother's sister?
Eleph-aunt.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What do you call a bully on Halloween? A jerk-o-lantern.
How about you and I form a binary system?
"A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by a mother who sees that the others get it."
— Marcelene Cox
One should always practice what they peach.
What do you call a giraffe winning a horse race?
A long shot.
It’s lonely between Germany and Spain
Not many France, nobody’s Nice to me, everyone seems to be Lyon. It’s just Eiffel.
Go to BabaMail
