Easter this year is April Fools Day
Just remember that so you don't fall for any crazy stories like people coming back from the dead.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
Why can't college professors take exams at a zoo? Because there are too many cheetahs.
I was at my hotel in Spain and wasn't feeling well.
Reception said they had a doctor on staff.
The doctor asked me lots of questions and I was then feeling much better.
I told reception I didn't expect a hotel would have a doctor on staff
They said it was a Spanish Inn Physician
"Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position." — Christopher Marlowe
The cat’s out of the bag – I love you purry much.
Skeleton 1: Why are graveyards so noisy?
Skeleton 2: I don't know. Why?
Skeleton 1: Because of all the coffin.
I caught a fruit fly in the air and killed it.
I'm a gnatural born killer.
What's a frog's favorite flower?
A croakus.
What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.
I left my phone under my pillow last night and woke up to coins underneath it. It must have been the Blue-tooth fairy.
Be-leaf me, you look great in green.
It’s so cold that when I needed an anesthetic, the dentist told me to stick my head out the hospital window.
Why was the book of incantations useless?
Because the author failed to do a spell-check.
I visited Spain and couldn't stop looking at the architecture
It was very Moorish.
Did you hear the joke about the lumberjack, The sheep and the goat?
I wood tell ewe, but it’s a baaaaaad joke
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
What is a fairy’s favorite drink?
Sprite.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
Where are dead computer hackers buried?
In decrypt.
How did they determine that the shark attack victim had dandruff?
Because all that washed up on the beach was his head and shoulders.
What do you call a horse that moves around a lot?
Unstable.
“Money doesn’t solve all problems but it could solve my money problem.” – Anonymous
The 70s/80s aesthetic has recently become pretty popular in France.
They say it has a certain Gen X sais quoi.
What does a skunk’s car run on?
Fumes.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
But I wouldn’t know,
I don’t get them from you.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
“The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management.”
Scott Adams
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
Why did the mouse eat a candle?
For some light refreshment!
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
I sued the airport authorities because they misplaced my belongings
I lost the case
"Time wounds all heels."
“Think of how stupid the average person is and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
– George Carlin
When alligators need energy, they just slug down some gator-ade.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
Say it ain’t snow.
What holiday do we celebrate in May to remember all the mothers we lost in the past year?
Momorial Day
Did you hear about the scientist whose wife had twins?
He baptized one and kept the other as control.
Why did Noah have to punish the chickens on the Ark?
They were using fowl language.
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk? Dirty looks from the mouse!
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
Forget about Spider man, Batman, or Superman. I’ll be your man.
Nurse, can I have a little sugar to help the medicine go down?
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
Why shouldn’t you trust a guy who claims he “wears the pants”?
He probably lies about other stuff too.
Why Did the Whale Cross the Ocean?
To get to the other tide.
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