"Family Love"
A thread of love joins us all;
It's flimsy.
At times it trembles;
Almost breaks.
A thread of love joins us all;
It's slender
And subtle.
But when things get rough,
It tautens,
Becomes tough,
And hauls us back together.
– Alison Jean Thomas
Birch, please.
Q. What do they call the gorilla marathon runner who only wins when it's pouring outdoors?
A. The raining chimp-ion.
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
The expiration date says "best if used by tonight." Can I make you dinner?
Of all the planets in all the solar systems in all the galaxies, I'm so lucky you walked into mine
What is a cat lover's favourite tree?
A juni-purr.
I'm trying to break the ice, but you just keep giving me the cold shoulder.
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
What did one boat say to the other boat?
Are you interested in a little row-mance?
“Only married people can understand how you can be miserable and happy at the same time." —Chris Rock
Can you can a canned can into an un-canned can like a canner can can a canned can into an un-canned can?
"Everyone is born equal in life, until they get married." — Anonymous
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frost bite.
I'm reading a book about metal fasteners.
Riveting stuff.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
How does Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
What did the horse reply when asked if it can jump 3 feet?
“I lope so!”
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
Why would you Mary Shelley when you could marry me?
Here’s my number. Send me a text when you’re ready to fall in love with me.
What did the evaporating raindrop say?
I’m going to pieces.
I was waiting at the airport baggage carousel, and noticed that everyone else had a better bag than me.
It was ....the worst case scenario.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
There was an Old Man with a gong,
Who bumped at it all day long.
But they called out, no more,
You're a horrid old bore,
So they smashed that Old Man with a gong.
I had a girlfriend that went scuba diving...
One day I lobster and never flounder again.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
What does the mummy parrot say to her baby? Beak-areful!
Do not be sad because of these bad words. You are always a fineapple in my heart.
Hey girl, I won't be able to see you for the next few weeks.
I'm giving up sweet things for Lent.
The bowling team of which I am captain is known lightning. This is because we get countless strikes.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
Hey baby, I just found out our shirts were manufactured in unfair working conditions; let's take them off.
Can I show you my yellow submarine?
“What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.”
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
Your earrings are the mirrors that reflect the moonlight into your eyes.
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
What does an owl need after having a bath?
A t-owl.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Go to BabaMail
