I work at an Ink company in Spain. Yesterday I held a Competition about our company’s history. But looks like no one wanted to be a part of the
Spanish Ink Quiz Session.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
Where does a baby monkey sleep?
In an apricot.
You don't need to waste your time on that treadmill, you've been running through my mind all day.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
What’s the opposite of Himalayan salt?
Herastandin pepper.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
Did you hear about the ocean and sea having a baby?
It was a buoy!
Do you know which the most favourite type of fruit of trees is? The pine – apple.
Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
Growth takes time. Be patient. And while you’re waiting, pull a weed.
— Emilie Barnes
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
Each year, lots of wolves go treating in howl-o-ween.
Why are geologists great dates?
They can make your bedrock.
What are stepfathers called in France?
Faux pas.
It was so cold that we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside to keep warm.
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
“I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.” - Wendy Liebman
Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that’s draped in bacon. “A bacon tree ! We’re saved!” He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.
It wasn’t a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
When I first saw you I looked for a signature, because every masterpiece has one.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
What did the diamond say to its friend copper? Nothing, silly, minerals don’t talc!
“Whenever I’m sad, you’re there. Whenever I’m having problems you are always there. Whenever my life seems out of control, you are always there. Let’s face it. You are bad luck.”
— Unknown
What is a koala bear’s favorite mixed drink? A pina koala.
“I have just returned from a children’s party. I’m one of the survivors.”
- Percy French.
“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley
“He was wheeled into the operating room, and then had a change of heart.”
If a four-legged animal a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, what’s a tiger?
Stri-ped.
"Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage."
- Ambrose Bierce
I read dead people.
I was watching a chess champion vs a boxing champion match.
The chess player had a mean right rook!
A lady was looking for a turkey but couldn't find one big enough.
She asked the stock boy "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied "No they're dead."
She stood on the balcony, inexplicably mimicking him hiccuping, and amicably welcoming him in.
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
Albert Einstein
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
The FBI are raiding an alleged spy's apartment when they discover a hard drive labeled "KGB".
One of the agents holds it up with a look of confusion and says, "Why wouldn't he just write 1 TB?"
Time fries when you’re having fun!
What do you call a group of crows eating a box of corn flakes?
A cereal murder.
Hey girl, I put the stud in Bible study.
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
If you think a meteor is hard, you should see what you are doing to my missile.
What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer? Arriba McEntire.
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