There was an Old Man in a boat,
Who said, 'I'm afloat, I'm afloat!'
When they said, 'No! you ain't!'
He was ready to faint,
That unhappy Old Man in a boat.
What is a lightyear?
The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Football is one habit I will never kick.
Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain’t seeing each other anymore.
In on the ground flora.
Yetis have declared their own independent state in the Himalayas.
It's an abomi-nation.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
What are the best sandwiches to serve at a St. Patrick’s Day party?
Paddy melts!
Why did the elephant cross the road?
The chicken couldn’t be bothered anymore.
Oh me, oh Jeremiah, that is one great face you have there
“A messy house is a must—it separates your true friends from other friends. Real friends are there to visit you not your house!”
— Jennifer Wilson
Need an ark?
I noah guy.
Flamingos are pretty daring birds. They like just about anything, as long as it’s eggs-citing.
My doctor tells me I've got a bacon addiction.
Thankfully he thinks I can be cured.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
I forgot my reusable bag, can I borrow one of yours?
What’s the best time for Frankenstein to go to a party?
Fright now.
"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in."
- Richard Jeni
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Where does a pineapple and cucumber vacation? Somewhere tropical (tro-pickle).
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
Where do you take a sick hornet?
To the waspital.
Why Did the Whale Cross the Ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What has more lives than a cat?
A frog because it croaks every night.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
What did the bacteria say to the bee to cheer it up?
Gram positive
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with an elephant?
An animal that remembers where it hid its nuts.
You have beautiful eyes. Oh, wait, those are your wings. Why you gotta be so scary?
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back."
Franklin Jones
Did you know Teslas don't have that new car smell?
They have more of an Elon Musk.
We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
“Driving at night is about communicating with lights.”
— Lukhman Pambra
Irish you luck.
Why did the hipster burn his lips?
He ate his pizza before it was cool.
What's a slut like you doing in a classy joint like this?
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Apparently you can get the Corona virus if your eye touches someone else's eye.
I guess it's a good thing I refuse to make eye contact.
What's a pun's best trait?
His pun-ctuality!
What does a ghost panda eat?
BamBOO!
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
Away from their official duties, soccer players love dancing at a soccer ball.
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
If Russia attacked Turkey from behind do you think Greece would help?
If you are wondering about the fuzziest character in the gaming world, well it is definitely Princess Peach.
I'm sorry I wasn't around in the past. Can I be part of your future?
"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others."
Go to BabaMail
