I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
Are you Rudolph’s red nose? Because baby, I would say you glow.
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
You octopi my thoughts.
I saw you walking by me,
And I fell for you right then.
The sun was shining on your face,
Your hair was blowing in the wind.
But something strange did happen,
A shimmer came across your face.
I blinked and suddenly you were gone,
My heart increased its pace.
I looked around to try and find you,
But alas, you left, you’d gone,
My beautiful reflection,
Washed away inside the pond.
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Go to sweep, dear.
If you were coffee grounds, you’d be espresso ’cause you’re so fine.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
Fancy a climb? Mount me in.
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
It was pretty foggy outside today.
I shot an arrow in the air, and it stuck.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
"How Not to Have to Dry the Dishes"
If you have to dry the dishes
(Such an awful, boring chore)
If you have to dry the dishes
(‘Stead of going to the store)
If you have to dry the dishes
And you drop one on the floor—
Maybe they won’t let you
Dry the dishes anymore.
– Shel Silverstein
What will a space turkey say to another one? Hubble Hubble.
I love analyzing texts, but you haven't sent me any.
Why do they give men Viagra in the old folks home?
To keep them from rolling out of bed.
What do horses use to eat?
Breastplates.
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
Why are oceans so meticulous?
They like to be pacific.
How do blind folks buy homes in hot markets?
Sight unseen.
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
What do rodents say when they play bingo?
‘Eyes down for a full mouse’!
There's a German butcher around the corner from the hospital.
Just in case someone takes a turn for a wurst.
Hey, how’ve you Ben?
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
“Have your elf a merry little Christmas.”
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
How do you get a musician off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
Why don’t we use some Fourier analysis on our relationship and reduce to a series of simple periodic functions?
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
What pizza do dogs eat?
Puperoni.
Visitors are Doolin over these gorgeous views.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
What do you call meat balls falling from the sky? A meat-ior shower.
They say marriage is like a workshop. Where the man works and the women shops.
What brand of hand soap do telephone operators use? Dial.
The wolf crossed the road because it was chasing the chicken.
"You might not carrot all, but you're irresistible."
Mary didn’t miss a first serve the entire match. It was not her fault she lost.
An error has occurred, please try again!
Oh sorry but my system can't process something beautiful like you.
I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
It’s a complex complex complex.
There's a new erectile dysfunction medicine on the market
Its called mycoxaflopin
Go to BabaMail
