Are you a dictator? Because you have absolute power over me.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Howl.
Howl who?
Howl you know if you don't open the door?
Why did the otter cross the river?
To get to the otter side
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than continue seeing you!
"Doctor Doctor I feel like a supermarket"
How long have you been feeling like this?
"Since I was Lidl."
The tiger asked his longtime friend, "Will you be my tigerlfriend."
You must be a fossil because I would love to date you.
Your love is so crisp
As wafer in the pack
You know your love is
My favourite snack
Oh, Please I was just kidding
Now, you don’t need to smack.
(Unknown)
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
"I am allergic to stupidity, so I break out in sarcasm."
Anonymous
It’s so hot the best parking place is determined by the shade instead of the distance.
Why did the bunny cross the road? He wanted to prove he could hip hop!
“There’s no such thing as bad weather, just soft people.”
– Bill Bowerman
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
If I don’t make it to heaven, at least I know what hell feels like with this heat!”
― April Mae Monterrosa
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”
Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”
"I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks." — Steve Martin
Who carries out operations in a river? A sturgeon.
Did you hear about the zygote that joined the army?
I heard he was diploid.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Whats the difference between the Bride and Groom In marriage, the bride gets a shower. But for the groom, it's curtains.
I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making
by making you an otter you can't defuse.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
Q: How do you store water?
A: Cloud storage.
Why did the mouse eat a candle? For some light refreshment!
There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who kept all of his cash in a bucket,
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
Every muscle in your body is beautiful.
What's as big as a dinosaur but weighs nothing? Her shadow!
What did the rabbit say to its wife? No bunny compares to you.
What’s sweet and goes woof?
Pupcakes!
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
What’s a missionary’s favorite kind of car?
A convertible.
Why did the farmer cross the road?
To get his chicken back.
What did the lollipop lady say to the zebra crossing?
'You're stripping me of a job.'
We were having lunch with my wife's parents. Her father asked if she and I were still going to a concert later that night. He asked, "Are you guys going out?"
I said, "actually, we're married".
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
Why does no one trust the man on the moon?Why does no one trust the man on the moon?
Because he has a dark side!
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror ? Halloumi (Hello me)
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
What do you think walking on the moon is like?
Not very impactful.
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
How can you tell when a man is well hung? When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Australia announced that they have begun dumping sewage into the ocean
It’s now classified as an in-continent.
Sodium-Sodium-Sodium-Sodium-Sodium-Sodium-Sodium-Sodium-Sodium-Sodium-Sodium-Sodium-Sodium --- Batman!
Go to BabaMail
