French history is nothing to Lafayette at.
Charlotte, would you char-let me rock your world?
There was an enchanting young bride,
Who ate many green apples and died.
The apples fermented,
inside the lamented,
and made cider inside her inside.
What is an astronaut's favorite candy bar?
Milky way.
Let’s pretend you’re a croc so we can wrestle!
Row row row your boat.
Rowing gently down the stream.
Life is so extreme.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
What is a bunch of crows gathering money called? Crow funding.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano?
I really lava you!
I drank alot of alcohol at the airport last night.
I now have a terminal hangover.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
The river turned out to be a great party guy because he just went with the flow.
“Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions." ~A.A. Latimer
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid on the planet?
It's pasteurized before you see it.
"A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm." – Bill Vaughan
Excuse me, do you kiss strangers? No? Then let me introduce myself.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite game?
Jump rope.
Crabgrass in my lawn is always fighting to prevent good grass seed from rooting...
Guess you could say I'm caught in the middle of a turf war
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What did the banana do when it saw a gorilla? The banana split.
Why did the wizard rush to the hospital?
He had a staff infection.
There’s a great new rock and roll cover artist doing the rounds at the moment – his name is Chuck Cherry.
Look for a rainbow connection.
Which cool rapper recreates at Aspen Snomass?
Ice Ski.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
People are always amazed by the skilled tattoo artists in Spain
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
“What’s eating you?”
Never forget how beautiful the mountains are. You don't want to take them for granite.
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
I’m in love with France, and I ain’t Lyon.
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.
Haven’t I seen you before? Maybe in my dreams?
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. How many pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick?
Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
Do you know what the common thing between a pineapple and a king is? Both of them wear a crown proudly on their top.
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
It’s so cold chickens are rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns! What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A "hollow-weenie!"
What do you call an elephant with an aerial on his head?
An elephant-enna.
There’s a big difference between yoga and pie-lattes.
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
What's your name? Because I'll be screaming it all night long.
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
What do you call a clever ant?
Brilli-ant.
What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
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