I wasn't expecting to be diagnosed as colour blind.
It really came out of the purple.
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
Where do Yetis go to dance?
To a snow ball.
“I just wanna kick it in the woods with my birches.”
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
If I wrote a cookbook, you'd be the featured recipe.
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
Your name must be Jelly... cuz jam don't shake like that.
I can't hear out of my ear...
It's really EAR-itating.
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
I don’t want your candy, what I really want is your number.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
Seas the day.
What's the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives but a frog croaks every night.
Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.
If you really want to get a date at a restaurant, it’s always nice to cut to the cheese.
Your body has the nicest arc length I have ever seen.
Soft fruits make really supportive parents. Whenever their youngsters fail at something, they just smile and say “Have another bite at the cherry.”
Hey girl, I've been warming up this bench for you my whole life.
Did you hear about the misguided unicorn lumberjack who was killing humans? He believed he was doing random axe of kindness.
If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d still only have five cents.
What do skeletons say when they set off to sea?
- Bone voyage!
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
My friend asked me how my pet crow communicates…
I replied, “Microwaves”.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
You're the only sight I want to see today.
Will Ferell
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did – in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.
Jack has a large neck so he decided to wear a bowtie to his wedding. Otherwise, he’d end up with a tiebreak.
A dog walks into a bar and is promptly escorted out, as animals are not allowed.
You know what they say about a man with big feet... he wears big shoes.
"Love the wine you're with."
My boyfriend told me once that I need to be more affectionate.
Now I have two boyfriends.
“My dog is a half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!”
- Craig Shoemaker.
The other day I told a joke about an armored vehicle with a rotating gun turret.
It tanked.
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
Hi, I'm a zombie, can I eat you?
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
Wow, you feel like a comet, you are a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and I’m glad I didn’t miss it. Can I buy you a drink?
When I first saw you I looked for a signature, because every masterpiece has one.
There once was a poet named Bates
Whose limericks were never that great
His first lines weren't bad
But the problem he had
Was he always tried to fit way too many syllables in at the end.
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why are dinosaurs no longer around? Because their eggs stink.
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
If volleyball were easy, they would call it football.
Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?
Benny Hill
Why do pandas love watching classic movies?
Because they are in black and white.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
Go to BabaMail
