Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
Your clothes would look better accelerating towards the floor at 9.8 m/s.
How do Yetis tell the time?
With a sasq-watch.
"How do you know if someone ran a marathon? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you."
Jimmy Fallon
Law of employment:
When leaving work late, you will mostly go unnoticed.
When you leave early, you will meet your boss at the parking lot.
“To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.”—Ogden Nash.
In an attempt to deter computer hackers I've changed all my passwords to 'Brazil Nut'
That will be a hard one to crack.
My love, you are the yin to my yang,
You’re the ice to my cream,
You are the pop to my corn,
You’re the day to my dream.
You are the honey to my bee,
You’re the sugar to my spice,
You are the sweet to my heart,
You’re the white to my rice.
Oh shoot, I’m so sorry!
I forgot you switched to a brown rice, low-carb, sugar-free diet!
We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Ivan.
Ivan who?
Ivan to do something naughty with you.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Please keep your flowers,
And your poems too.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
What do you call Tyrannosaurus rex when it wears a cowboy hat and boots ? Tyrannosaurus tex!
Stolen. Stealing is bad and you should return it. Here are some of our favorite corny puns that are so bad they’re good.
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
Rodney Dangerfield
You must be glue because I am sticking with you.
The barista may have forgotten your name... but I sure haven't.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
“A fool and his money are lucky enough to get together in the first place.” — Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
A few punny Wifi names you can use:
Wi-Fight the Inevitable
Chance the Router
The LAN Before Time
Silence of the LAN
I Believe Wi Can Fi
The Password is...
Click Here to Download
Get off my LAN
Router? I Hardly Knew Her
Definitely Not Wifi
What's a redneck's favorite beer?
An open one.
How do you cheer up the patients at the vegetable hospital?
Bring a sick beet.
Why did the bunny build herself a new house? She was fed up with the hole thing!
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
What do you call an alligators nurse?
Gator-aid.
When moving a piece of furniture at the weather station, you'll be needing four casters.
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
“If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.” - Miles Davis
Why don't you want to sleep in the sheep pen?
It would be total bedlam!!
What is a cat’s favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
What kind of car does a sheep drive?
A LAMBorghini
Flowers like our minds, open at the right time. Mine has opened to receive your love.
Why do old artists never die? They just put things in perspective.
What’s the healthiest part of a donut?
The middle.
If I could change the periodic table, I would put Uranium and Iodine next to each other.
Q. What do gorillas and big apes do to make each other laugh?
A. They tell punny jokes about humans!
Why is the pickle container always open?
Because it's ajar.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
Are you a card?
We're perfectly suited for each other
We have always been in turtle awe of her artistic skills.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
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