What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
"Husbands are like fires - they go out when unattended." - Zsa Zsa Gabor
“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?”
– Albert Einstein
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
“Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftover in aluminum foil and throw them out.” —Nicole Hollander
I was blinded by your beauty...
I’m going to need your name and phone number for insurance purposes.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
“A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they’re not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they’re not so bad.”
— Arnold H. Glasgow
When she asked me if I like soup, I replied saying "I am crazy pho soups".
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his deliveries.
What did the wife beaver say to her astronaut husband? You are otter this world.
“I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.”
- Marty Pollio.
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
What Do You Call A Duck That Steals?
A robber ducky.
What do you call a grandpa flower?
Poppy.
For his birthday, the snowman wants a cake with lots of icing on it.
A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
“I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.” - Francois Rebelais
How do you cut an ocean in half?
With a seasaw!
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
On the other hand, the Bible contains much that is relevant today, like Noah taking 40 days to find a place to park. -- Curtis McDougall
what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.”
- Valeriu Butulescu.
I used to own a rabbit, but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
I bought a second hand time machine the other day.
They don't make them like they're going to.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What is a criminal group of kangaroos called?
A gangaroo.
*Creating password*
"MTWTFSS_MTWTFSS"
ERROR: [Password two week]
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Dewey.
Dewey who?
Dewey have to use a condom?
Because it was so foggy at my father’s funeral, he was buried in the wrong plot.
It was a grave mist-stake.
“Archeologists 10,000 years from now will believe this was a sacred feast where gravy boats were worshipped.” —@WilliamAder
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized I'm in Seine.
If we played hot potato I’d lose, because I’d never let you go.
Who’s the arch-enemy of the Gsus chord?
The Dmin chord.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ...
... Then Soviet.
The depressing thing about tennis is
I will never be as good as a wall.
I’ll never fir-get.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Europe
Europe who?
Europe early this morning!
What is a potato’s life philosophy? I think, therefore I yam.
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
My love for you is like an marathon. It goes on and on.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism
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