These decorations are tree-mendous.
Why are people buying so much toilet paper because of the corona virus?
Because when one person sneezes, 100 people shit themselves.
My love for you simply radiates.
Hey I hope you don’t mind me messaging you… something about you just seemed very Amy-cable
This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along.
The guy asks, "What are you carrying?"
"Melons," the blonde replies.
"Cool," the guy says.
"If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?"
The blonde giggles and says, "If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them."
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
"Running won't solve all your problems. But then again, neither will housework."
Unknown
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman
Let’s get elf-ed up.
My birch of a wife just told me she wants a divorce. Says she’s tired of all of my tree puns.
You knead me in your loaf.
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper!
I'm feeling exceptionally alone in this cold weather. It's probably because I'm completely ice-olated.
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
How does Frankenstein speak?
Frankly.
What do you call a werewolf YouTuber?
A lycansubscribe
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
"Love is being stupid together." - Paul Valery
How is bacon like southern Europe?
It's got a lot of Greece in it.
A man called his twin brother from prison
“Hey remember when we were kids and use to finish each other’s sentences?”
You know why I love bread puns? Because they never go stale.
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
Girl, are you a swimming cap? Because you’re always on my head.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
What was Michael Jackson's favorite Spanish food?
Jamon!
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
Did you expect to laugh at puns?
No, but they've groan on me!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Did you damage my cerebellum? Because I’m falling all over the place for you.
Why can I not make jokes about the recent attacks in France?
Because jokes are all about execution.
I call the shots.
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
Girl, are you the Wuhan Corona Virus?
Because you’re taking my breath away.
Not all math puns are bad.
Just sum.
What do you call the Greek God of Mexican chickens?
Apollo
When I was a kid I thought I had a Chinese friend
But it was just my imaginasian.
I’m feelin’ green.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Etch.
Etch who?
Bless you.
No one really enjoys crying wolf. However, the boy did cry just to get a howling experience.
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
Q. How did the wedding between the stag and the doe begin?
A. Deerly beloved...
"I'd like to make a toast!", said the bread to the bride on her wedding day.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
Go to BabaMail
