How did the horse know the others were gossiping about him?
He herd.
How do you know if it’s too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-cooked eggs.
I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.
It's a complete rip-off.
What’s the silliest name you can give a tiger?
Spot.
“Life is like pocket money. You shouldn't spend it all in one place.”
― Julian Talbot
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
“The reward for good work is more work.” – Francesca Elisia
During a family discussion, my father said that grass is not greener than other plants. No one should make a biased grass-umption like that.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
Am I in the advanced class? Because I like to go hard.
Roses are red, violets are blue....
....
....
Sorry I just got lost in those eyes of you.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
English can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
Friend you’re one year older
Time waits for none, I think.
Since weather’s getting colder
Let me buy you a drink.
I’ll make sure it’s really hot
And quite the tasty brew.
Now let’s drink up to the thought
I’m not as old as you!
“During summer vacation, you get to do all your favorite things; cook hot dogs over a campfire (while being eaten alive by mosquitoes).”
– Bruce Lansky
Why should you always bring a bag of tortilla chips to a party?
In queso emergency.
What does the like to parrot wear to the beach? A beak-ini!
Hey Baby, wanna find out why they call me Pumpkin-Head?
“At some point in life, the world’s beauty becomes enough.”
I was fired from an insect repellent company for being dyslexic, so I smashed all their computers.
There’s no files on me.
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
Q: Where can a tornado be jailed?
A: In a high pressure cell.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard
Son: does Easter Bunny set out 12 eggs in the field to search for?
Dad: no he dozen’t.
Your beauty is a singularity. The force of attraction between us is so powerful.
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A llama.
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Roses are red
violets are blue.
I hate poems
even more than I hate you.
When we met, it was love at frost sight.
What’s a flower’s favorite band?
Guns n’ Roses.
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Mae West
Have you heard of the story about the campanologist without arms?
Doesn't ring a bell.
his morning my son said his ear hurt and I asked : on the inside or outside?
So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says "Both."
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
Took a flight, and my luggage got torn to pieces....
My lawyer said I don't have much of a case.
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
I'm planning on making an application that randomly closes the video game you are playing and opens a different one.
It's going to be a game changer.
Looking for some hunka hunka burning love?
What do you call a werewolf YouTuber?
A lycansubscribe
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
I was thinking whether I should write you or not.. but honestly, there isn’t Hannah-other better choice than to
The Greeks make the best cheese
You feta believe it!
There was an Old Person of Ischia,
Whose conduct grew friskier and friskier;
He dance hornpipes and jigs,
And ate thousands of figs,
That lively Old Person of Ischia.
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