"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
If your heart was a prison, I would want to be sentenced to life.
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
Oh wow sorry – I just got l’Austin your eyes.
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
I think you are a horror movie because I can't sleep when I think about you.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Iona.
Iona who?
Iona new car!
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
If snowmen can’t ride bicycles, tricycles, or unicycles, what can they ride?
Icicles!
Be careful out there during the snowstorm. It ain't snow joke.
One smart fellow, he felt smart.
Two smart fellows, they felt smart.
Three smart fellows, they felt smart.
Four smart fellows, they felt smart.
Five smart fellows, they felt smart.
Six smart fellows, they felt smart.
I’m Dublin down on what I said before.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
What does the mummy parrot say to her baby? Beak-areful!
There was an Old Man in a boat,
Who said, 'I'm afloat, I'm afloat!'
When they said, 'No! you ain't!'
He was ready to faint,
That unhappy Old Man in a boat.
What was the motto of the unique deer? Deer to be different!
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
What’s a golf clubs favorite type of music?
Swing.
Q. Why was the baby gorilla such a big brat?
A. Because his parents are big apes.
Should we go out on Friday? Isla pick you up at 7.
What did one stranger say to the other? Nothing. They didn’t know each other.
Busy buzzing bumble bees.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
The bread actor was sad because he lost a juicy roll.
I told my kids that ketchup can go on anything.
You know, It’s the least condiment denominator.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Hatch
Hatch who?
God bless you!
Biology - The only science where multiplication and division are the same thing.
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
It was stuck to the chicken’s foot.
“I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.”
- Marty Pollio.
Why shouldn’t you trust a guy who claims he “wears the pants”?
He probably lies about other stuff too.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
You’re sleigh-in’ it.
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
“Santa owes a lot to his little helpers. You might say he’s an elf-made man.”
“The most obnoxious thing in the world is to listen to others drone on about how much they love the heat.”
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
A crayon that looks like a strawberry is usually called a cranberry.
What did the frog dress up as on Halloween?
A prince.
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
Go to BabaMail
