I was hoping you wouldn't block my pop-up. You must've been made by Intel to be that hot!
How does a Ghost say good-bye? - I can’t wait to seance you again.
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
Want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I'll dig something up!
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
“Don't be so humble – you are not that great.”
Golda Meir
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
If you give me your number, I promise to spam you with pictures of cute puppies on a daily basis.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
I don't normally like girls who wear red coats. But, for you I'll make an exception.
“Monday is like a math problem. Add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems, divide the happiness.”
It's so cold that lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.
When is it okay to Love thy neighbor? When her husband is away on business.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A pizza and a six pack.
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
I was going to call you beautiful, but then I realized I don’t have your number yet.
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
An Indonesian Giant stubbed his foot on a volcano...
- Did he Krakatoa?
I came here looking for a little tail.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
What do you call it when the preacher passes gas during his sermon?
A blast from the pastor.
Are you Jewish? Cause you IS RAELI HOT.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
Whenever fall arrives, leaves start changing their color autumn-matically.
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
It's just a lot of croc 'n' roll.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it
“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.”
- Penelope Lombard.
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
Who do you call a pig who can paint like a great artist? Pablo PIGcaso.
What do snowmen do on Christmas?
Play with the snow angels.
What’s a bigamist?
It’s what Italians call a thick fog.
The turkey says, "gobble, gobble."
I appreciate it when food comes with instructions.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
What do you call an old snowman? A creek.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
This may be the wine talking, but I really, really, really, really love wine.
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop making monster puns.
So I guess our relationship might as well be ogre.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
That dress would look great on my bedroom floor!
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
“If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys” – James Goldsmith
If there was no gravity on this planet, I would still fall for you.
What did the pastry chef say when a banana cream pie he made completely satisfies a tyrannical ruler?
It hit despot.
All the girls I meet keep thinking I’m a sheep.
Every time they see me they say “Ewe”
Go to BabaMail
