What do you get when you dump your Easter eggs on a hill?
A spring roll!
What do you get when a dinosaur sneezes? Out of the way!
March 17 is near, and I am so excited about it. The clover it gets, the more excited I become.
“What’s your favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.” – Anonymous
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse!
It's a-boat time for a holiday!
What kind of party is held in a cornfield?
A cornball!
Kindly kittens knitting mittens keep kazooing in the king’s kitchen.
"Hope my relatives are getting along with the professional line sitter I hired to hold my place at the front of the Thanksgiving food line." -John Lyon
The poor werewolf was busy chasing his own tail. We were later told that he was trying to make ends meet.
Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet.
My mother's mother lost her false teeth at the retirement home. We searched the place everywhere but couldn't find them.
We looked in every nook and granny!
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
What do you call a Grizzly at a nude beach?
Bear Naked.
If ten zombies run after you, what time is it?
Ten after one.
What do you call sad coffee?" Despresso.
What's a dancer's favorite Thanksgiving food?
Twerky
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
"Hey baby, are you being followed? Because I've been seeing people behind your back."
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should just live next door and visit now and then.”—Katherine Hepburn
Why was the doctor so paranoid?
He worked in the ICU.
What did one beached whale say to the other beached whale?
Long time no sea.
It’s time to think outside the pizza box.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Déjà.
Déjà who?
Knock Knock!
Why should you never marry someone that likes collecting weird coins?
They have no common cents.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
When is the worst time to have a heart attack?
During a game of charades.
I knew a guy that got struck by lightning twice.
It was a re-volting scene.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
Why do banana's do so well on the dating scene? Because they have Appeal!
What do you call a clever duck?
A wise quacker.
What do you call a Rabbi who works with solvents?
An acidic Jew.
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
– Steven Wright
Today isn’t the day to be making jokes about the weather.
It’s snow joke.
Are you a Pepsi? Because you're so-da-licious!
Hey baby, mind if I send my probe into your wormhole?
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
So I attended a salsa class today
The instructor says to everyone: "Alright folks, who's ready to learn how to dance??"
I realized that there was a misunderstanding, and ran off with my bag of tortilla chips.
All doggies go to heaven - or so I've been told.
They run and play along the streets of Gold.
Why is heaven such a doggie-delight?
Why, because there's not a single cat in sight!
Your name must be Lucky Charms because you’re magically delicious!
Why is Frankenstein such good fun?
Because he soon has you in stitches.
Here in Australia it's already tomorrow, wanna know what we did last night?
Snow thank you.
Who’s the patron saint of poverty?
St. Nickeless.
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
How do ghouls sign off a letter?
Best witches and worm regards.
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