How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
If I were a cat, I'd spend all 9 lives with you.
I won a contest extracting the most water from a towel, I'm now known as the....
Lord of the Wrings.
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...
Badum chhh
How much dew does a dewdrop drop
If dewdrops do drop dew?
They do drop, they do
As do dewdrops drop
If dewdrops do drop dew.
I think you and I could make a perfect Caleb-oration
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, was it Red Bull that gave you wings, or are you just an angel?
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
What game do bats like to play with birds?
Bat-mington.
What element comes from Norse mythology? Thorium.
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Worm!
Worm who?
Worm to meet you!
You’re brew-tiful!
Is tea with additional salt
Salt-tea?
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.
How do snails get their shells so shiny? They use snail varnish!
“I’m not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.” – Junior Seau
Which Star Wars movie is a baseball player's least favorite?
The Umpire Strikes Back.
Were you forged by Sauron? Because baby, you're precious.
Within minutes, the detective figured out what the murder weapon was.
It was a brief case.
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
“Until you’ve learned to drive, you’ve never really learned how to swear.”
— Robert Paul
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it’s a friend with chocolate.”
— Linda Grayson
Are you the Count Dracula? When you stared at me, my heart stopped.
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
A blond pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blond.
My marriage is slowly turning into a melon farm. I keep hearing Honeydew this, Honeydew that.
My mobile phone has a tuneless ring tone. It's chordless.
“What on earth would I do if four bears came into my camp? Why, I would die of course. Literally sh** myself lifeless.” – Bill Bryson
My grandfather had the heart of a tiger
And a lifetime ban at the zoo
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
“Everything goes better with tacos.”
― Rachel Caine
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
I was blinded by your beauty...
I’m going to need your name and phone number for insurance purposes.
Woman’s Rejection: Sorry. I don’t date guys I pit-y
Once there was a doctor who got shot. He adamantly wanted to perform surgery on himself, despite all of the other surgeons saying that he shouldn't.
But he was so insistent that they finally said "Fine, suture self."
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
I am cocoa-nuts about you.
“It’s the 21st century. I don’t need an alpha male to protect me. I don’t need a big, strong man to fight off a tiger. I need a geek who can get my naked photos off the cloud.” — Whitney Cummings
Volleyball is air affair. This would be a good motto for your team.
Every time when I see a picture of something amazing in space, I usually say “That’s totally far out.”
Hi, my name's Pogo. Wanna ride on my stick?
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