Why was the teenager deer a bad driver?
He didn’t want to use the deering wheel.
What do you call a group of brains who form a singing group at school?
A glia club.
Burst into cheers!
What happened when rockers couldn't get their favorite dessert? Rage against the Broken Ice Cream Machine.
“Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you’ll be a mile from them, and you’ll have their shoes.”
- Jack Handey
What did the bat do when she did not know the answer in class?
She winged it.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
"Dad, how do you cast spells?"
"You just follow the instructions."
"Which instructions?"
"Yeah, they're the ones."
You just caused a heat wave.
What can a whole orange do that half an orange can never do?
“Look round!”
What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant? Very big worm holes in your garden.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
Sister Mary the New York nun
Came to visit one time just for fun
Mom discovered too late
She’d made a mistake
And sauced my great aunt with some rum.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
The worst thing about living next door to a good gardener is that the grass is always greener on the other side.
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
My fiance is kidding... She's due in 7 months!
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
What do you call a mouse that doesn't eat, drink, or even walk? A computer mouse.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
Knock knock!
Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut Who? Doughnut forget to close the door!
Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? A party pooper.
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
How about drinking some alcohol to catalyze your love reaction a bit more?
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” Douglas Adams.
I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making
by making you an otter you can't defuse.
What a great match, guess you could say its my Luke-y day
What do you call an elf who runs away from Santa's Workshop? A rebel without a Claus!
Since her parents wanted to become wealthy fast, they ensured their daughter had an orange-d marriage.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
What did the diamond say to its friend copper? Nothing, silly, minerals don’t talc!
What do you call it when you order the same donut every day?
A do-rut!
“Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.” —Kevin James
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
The paddy don’t start till I walk in.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
How do you know your eating rabbit soup? When there's a hare in it.
Q. Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Cafe?
A. Chocolate Moose.
What kind of jewelry do witches wear?
Charm bracelets.
My wife got mad at me for playing catch with my son in the backyard
... I didn’t see the big deal until I dropped him.
Go to BabaMail
