What do you do if you find a blue Ichthyosaur ? Cheer him up!
My love for you is like cancer, it just keeps growing and growing.
Grasshoppers do not fancy soccer matches because most of them prefer cricket matches.
Baby, you're a firework.
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
If I were to wander around in Italy...
Would I be roamin'?
“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
“I tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up.”
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
Why did the origami artist win her court case? She was great at doing the paperwork.
What do you call a storm that's raining cats and dogs?
A furricane
Babe, are you a virus? 'Cause, you're having an effect on my whole body.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
Every function without you will always be void of love.
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”—George Burns
"My routine is to ride that snooze button as far as it will take me, take a quick shower, get dressed in the dark and bolt out the door."
— Willie Geist
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
Your pheromones are driving me wild.
Why was the ketchup feeling bad?
Because it had the squirts.
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Why did the cloud stay at home? It was feeling under the weather.
What happened to the criminal magician who ate to much salt?
Cardiac arrest.
"Just looking on the sunny side."
What do you say if you lose a game on St. Patrick's Day?
Game clover.
Why can't the Christmas tree stand up? It doesn't have legs.
What do witches in Australia ride?
Broomerangs.
We’re traveling winter-nationally.
Drinking tea while being too calm can kill you, did you know?
It's called a casual tea.
When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself.
But apparently he just swallows his pride.
What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies!
The year is 2219
A dishevelled white haired man crosses the desert that was once the English Channel from the United Kingdom of England to visit the capital of the Eurasian Empire in Brussels. As has been the case for 200 years, he delivers an unsigned letter and returns home, only to repeat the process again the next year. The true meaning of the ritual is lost in the annals of history but many believe it goes back to the days of a mythical quest they called Brexit.
My doctor must think I have a bad hard drive
He said he needed to C:
“I am responsible for what I say but I’m not responsible for what you understand.”
Anonymous
"Whenever I See"
Whenever I see your eyes
There is something that I feel
You look so sleepy
As a bear after a meal.
Are you Christmas? Because I want to Merry you.
“If you’re lucky this Christmas, Santa Claus will grace you with his presents.”
What do you call someone who only eats tiny bits of other people?
A cannibble.
Why did Dracula take cold medicine in winter? To stop his coffin.
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
"Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board."
- Zora Neale Hurston
"Hope my relatives are getting along with the professional line sitter I hired to hold my place at the front of the Thanksgiving food line." -John Lyon
What type of underwear does a yard wear?
Lawngerie.
The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest he’s too old to do it.
I used to be a personal driver in France
But now I have nothing to chauffeur it.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
“Every mile is two in winter.”
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
“Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it.” – Rebecca Johnson
Go to BabaMail
