Ariel spent the weekend alone because she was feeling a little crabby.
What do you call Vietnamese animal doctors?
Vietnam Vets.
My wife said to me, if you don't get off of the computer and help with the housework, she will bash my head on the keyboard.
But I think she's JokiSDGF4s475241GHHHNM,GDSSSDFSDFSDFADGHKLL;/UYRT5555rrTTTTTTEEEECbbbbbbbbII003333454587111,KSDFUJYTFD3u8ol;b ki90l.YJNMLGDSFSDASEDRUKOML'M :][EYRTYB;JIOI#M#KYFU6DCK ;/[]/
Darling, if you were cocaine I’d OVERDOSE!
A lobster's favorite shot in tennis?
The lob.
What did the Wicked Witch of the West say when she extracted metal from ore?
I’m smelting!
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
Ever wonder how gorillas can be so strong when they eat mostly a plant based diet?
Cuz they don't monkey around when it comes to strength training!
Claude Pepper
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
My neighbor tried to charge me $20 to watch the eclipse from his balcony.
I told him that was daylight robbery.
I ordered chicken fingers tossed in Buffalo sauce the other day
I asked the chef to be gentle while tossing them though. Because they’re tenders.
You and the sun have one thing in common. You are both radiant.
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Aye Matey.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a crocodile.
A funeral.
What is a seals favorite subject?
Art Art Art Art!
If Van Gogh were alive today, what might the title of his autobiography be called?
The STARRY of My Life
What do you call a werewolf with a fever?
A hot dog.
“No one is full of more false hope than a parent bringing a chair to the beach.” – @simoncholland
“Fond of doctors, little health, Fond of lawyers, little wealth.”
Proverb
What’s a good name for a detective?
Mr. E
So in my trip to Spain i got attacked by a bull.
Oh man that's spainful.
I got fired from my job as a submarine pilot.
I just don't get it. My performance reviews always said my work was sub-standard.
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you?
Your calves.
Time waits for no man, time is obviously a woman.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
Nothing runs a pun like bad spelling, accept poor grammar's.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
I think you are a horror movie because I can't sleep when I think about you.
Why don't crabs donate to charity?
They're shellfish penny pinchers.
“The mud will wash off but the memories will last a lifetime.”
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.
I don't know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
Did you want to hear the joke about the mountain? Never mind, you would never get over it.
What did Dracula say when he saw a giraffe for the first time?
I’d like to get to gnaw you.
A mummified macaroni pizza was uncovered in Italy today.
The man who uncovered it says "It's a pizza of our pasta."
My computer wants to build a snowman.
It's frozen.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
Where do you find giant snails? At the end of giants fingers!
I met my wife at a travel agency
She was looking for a vacation and I was her last resort.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
The turkey says, "gobble, gobble."
I appreciate it when food comes with instructions.
Your sweater must be made out of wife material.
Are you an omelette? Because you’re making me egg-cited!
So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
Go to BabaMail
