So a guy buys a PlayStation and starts an EA game.
Pay just $9.99 to unlock the rest of this joke!
Why are Siberian tigers so happy at Christmas time? Because it is snowy, and they get to look like white tigers.
What did the artist tell his greatest nemesis? I challenge you to a doodle!
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
The closer we came to the alley, the louder the bowling thunder.
The classiest indoor tennis facilities serve bubble tea.
Funny meat-ing you here.
Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?
Because there was a KFC on the other side.
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
What do ducks get after they eat?
A bill.
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
“Yoga class helps me calm down from the agonizing stress of trying to get to yoga class on time.” — Unknown
I enjoy your company and the silence in between our yoga mats.
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
What do you call a werewolf with no legs?
Anything you like – he can’t chase you.
Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
The unluckiest berry in the group is the one that drew the short straw-berry.
“Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.”—Ogden Nash
Is there something in your eye? Oh, wait, it's just a sparkle.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
Honey, are you a drummer? Because you can make my heart skip a beat.
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
Are you a supermarket sample? Because I don’t want to be ashamed of tasting you over and again.
Why do the French eat snails? They dislike fast food.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
I’d love to spend some time Matthew
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
“Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what’s more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?”—Dennis Miller
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
What do you call a family member who works at a gas station? A pump-kin!
I’m kind of a big dill.
My girlfriend spilt hummus all over her...
Can't believe that chick pea'd herself.
My local Italian restaurant is moving to Italy
They are moving to greener pasta.
What happened when the tiger ate the comedian?
He felt funny!
If you coriander into my tomato soup, you will give me a soup-herb dish.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
Girl, If you were a fruit you'd be a can't-elope.
Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
I can't let it be until I get your number.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
What do you call a lineup of food with lots of garlicky dishes?
Buffet the Vampire Slayer!
As soon as I saw your face, I knew you weren’t just the average Jo
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
Whoever said that no one is perfect has never seen you.
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