Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
Have you seen any linking verbs around here? Because you are my complement and I want to connect.
Roll over. I'll scratch your belly.
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
I am so dedicated to basketball, but I promise you I will bring that dedication to our relationship.
It’s so cold that I’m breathing out snowflakes!
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
You are more precious than my blue suede shoes
Why should you never ever play texas hold'em with a crocodile?
You will literally lose every hand.
How did the astronaut die?
exposure to Mercury.
Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?
You have one compact set.
What is better than a physics joke?
A meta physics joke.
You must be vaporizing from a solid-state because I think you are absolutely sublime.
I know somebody who likes you but if I weren’t so shy I would tell you who.
Librarians don't like drinking white wine. They prefer the well red ones!
What is a cheese lover’s favorite type of music?
R n’ Brie.
Are you a tower? Because eiffel for you!
As I taped a piranha to my boomerang, I thought,
"This will come back to bite me."
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
What do you call a small Minotaur?
A Minitaur.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
What do oranges have after a hard work out? Juice!
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
Composers always score.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
Where does a 500-pound penguin sit?
Anywhere it wants.
When a Minotaur considers himself an optimist is it that he sees his glass as half-bull?
What does a penguin where to the beach?
An ice cap.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
My feelings for you are Mont-real.
You are as cute and cuddly as a Koala.
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
“I’m not aging, I just need repotting.”
— Anonymous
Why do chickens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they’d break.
Why don’t elephants go to the beach?
Because their trunks always fall down.
Why is the mushroom always invited to parties? Because he's a fun-gi.
My wife bought me an expensive umbrella and she’s been holding it over my head ever since.
“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”
Will Rogers
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
Knock Knock
Who's There?
I eat grape.
I eat grape who?
You eat grey poo!
What will you call a crazy spaceman? An astronaut.
A mixture of black, white, and red usually refers to a panda who has experienced severe sunburn!
What does a frog order in Mcdonald's?
French flies and a diet croak.
I’ve been selected to hide eggs in my town’s big Easter festival next year!
This is an eggs-hiding opportunity!
My dad didn’t love me as a child, but I don’t really blame him.
I wasn’t born until he was an adult.
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