Why did the chicken go to the zoo?
To get to the otter slide.
Why don't women blink during se*? There isn't enough time.
What’s the difference between Jesus and pizza?
Jesus can’t be topped.
Where do werewolves store their things?
In a were-house.
Milk does the body good, but damn how much did you drink?
What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked
doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
Why did the banana fail his driving test? He kept peeling out.
The only thing hotter than today is you.
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
I farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels.
My doctor didn’t show up to the appointment about my hairline.
He said it got pushed back
Q. Where can you view sculptures and paintings created by deer?
A. At the art moose-seum.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women? Exchange him.
What does the queen bee of every hive tell their workers to do?
She tells them to bee productive.
People tell me I have a good breaststroke, but I'd say I'm a pretty good swimmer too.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
I'm like Rachmaninov...king of the romantic
Where does a Portuguese skeleton live?
Lis-bone
Hey girl, you must be a math book because you’re full of problems.
A robot is eating a hard drive for lunch.
The robot's friend asks for a bite and the robot says "Sure, but just a small bite." His friend takes a bite and the robot shouts, "Hey! That's a megabyte!"
How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? Theres M&M shells all over the floor.
Baby, you’re like a student and I am like a math book, you solve all my problems.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...
But it was a pack of lyes.
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
I bet your muffled screams are as cute as u.
You're hot enough for both of us during winter.
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.
Why do flamingos make bad pets? They are too much of a birden.
Ever kiss a guy with no teeth?
Teacher: "If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?"
Little Johnny: "Big hands!"
What was the most flexible dinosaur? Tyrannosaurus Flex.
“Take a deep breath and try to relax. I promise – Monday will be over soon.”
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
Want to break the wishbone? I’m wishing for a date with you.
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
There was an Old Person of Tring,
Who embellished his nose with a ring;
Ha gazed at the moon
Every evening in June,
That ecstatic Old Person in Tring.
“Thanksgiving is a lot like Christmas, except you don’t get any presents for holding in your familial rage.” -Unknown
Did you just move from the subdominant to the supertonic? Because I think you’re my perfect counterpoint.
How come there are no automatic cars in Spain?
They’re all Manuel.
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
Daddy? Do all fairy tales begin with ‘once upon a time’?
No, there are a whole series of fairy tales that begin with ‘If elected, I promise...’
Dr. Frankenstein just placed an order on Amazon.
It wasn't expensive, but I imagine the shipping cost him an arm and a leg.
Go to BabaMail
