Are you the moon? Because even when it’s dark you still seem to shine.
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
“The taxpayer—that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.” — Ronald Reagan.
"You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…"
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
"Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!"
— Roald Dahl
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
Many basketball players fail their tests in school because they do not want to pass.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
Said to my husband I'm going to take a hot tub. He said...
"When are you going to put it back?"
Why did the cherry blossom tree seem scared when it was trying to make a cherry pie? Because it was baking like a leaf.
A star athlete in Koalaville got kicked off the Olympic team for cheating. Unfortunately, he was diskoalafied.
If I was a robot and you were one 2 if I lost a nut would you give me a screw.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
When does a bat go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
What’s the best time of year to break out the trampoline?
Spring-time!
Are you Google? Because you have everything I’m searching for.
“Why do married people live longer than single people? I think it’s because married people make a special effort to live longer than their partner—just so they can have the last word.”—Janet Periat
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
Britain’s most common owl? The teatowel.
Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!
How I wonder what you're at!
Up above the world you fly,
Like a teatray in the sky.
(Lewis Carroll)
An executive reckless and bitter
Made a fool of himself via Twitter
"Please stop!" they entreated
But in answer he Tweeted
"If I do they'll call me a quitter!"
Have you heard about the banker who drowned in a river? It was a river of cash.
What did Mama pig ask her kids every day after school?
“Hoofeels hungry?”
What kind of ghoul has the best hearing?
The eeriest!
Getting lucked up on St. Patrick’s Day.
“Never eat more than you can lift.”
Miss Piggy
What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer? Mice cubes!
What’s the super-confusing way that pigs say I love you? “I a-boar-you.”
Any proof that Saturn married more than once? Well, he do has a lot of rings.
Which one of your children will never grow up and move away? Your husband. How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it.
“On the internet, you can be anything you want. It’s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.”
Anonymous
With all this talk of Corona Virus, the people who make sanitising gel are rubbing their hands together.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
A physics teacher writes a question on a board:
"A 40 kg child that 100 cm tall is holding a parent's arms swinging them 0.5 revolutions a second. If the parent let go of the child after 2 seconds, where will the child end up?"
A few moments later, the teacher then comes over and reads a student's answer:
"In a foster home."
Girl, your really good at this catch and release thing. Every time I catch my breath around you, you make me lose it again.
Is it me or is there an interaction between us?
It’s so hot that the only waves at the beach were heatwaves.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws.
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
In spite of all restrictions because of Covid, diplomats are allowed to travel freely across countries.
Because they have immunity.
"I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying."
- Oscar Wilde
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
Where do cows go on December 31st?
A moo year’s eve party.
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
Bake big batches of bitter brown bread
How many dinosaurs can fit in an empty box ? One . After that, the box isn't empty anymore!
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
Go to BabaMail
