"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office."
— Robert Frost
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
Why did the toddler cross the road?
He wanted to pet the chicken.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
It’s party thyme.
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
New electric trains will run on conductors.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
Why should the Sun get into a school? To get brighter.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
My niece called my antisocial
I corrected her with "no, I'm uncle social" Then pointed to my sister and called her auntisocial.
What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left to school ?
Bison.
How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
Call me AC/DC, because I'm gonna rock you all night long!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
No one knows. But the road will have its vengeance!!
“If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.” —Dorothy Parker
Crows go to get their shopping at Cawst Co.
If I had a nickel for every time a woman thought I was ugly, they would find me attractive.
I was straining some old noodles but eventually, I chickened out. It was such a broth-er.
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
“When you realize your self-worth you’ll stop giving people discounts.”
Wow, you feel like a comet, you are a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and I’m glad I didn’t miss it. Can I buy you a drink?
A cowboy and a Mexican were walking side-by-side by a beach in Mexico. The Cowboy asked to the Mexican if the Gulf of Mexico was an ocean.
"Sea, Señor," replied the Mexican.
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
Who will Frankenstein’s monster take to the dance?
Any old girl he can dig up.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
What's the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives but a frog croaks every night.
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
Wolves love shopping and they can literally die for. However, none of them loves the flea market for obvious reasons!
Man: Did you fall from heaven?
Woman: No, but I'm an Angel and died fifteen years ago... just like that pick up line.
“If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.” – Frank A. Clark
Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so too.
"Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing."
- Natasha Leggero
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
It’s so hot you need a spatula to remove your clothing.
"I don't believe in jogging. It extending your life, but by about the same amount of time you spend jogging."
Marshall Brickman
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
I’m no geometric genius, but all love triangles soon turn into wreck-tangles.
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
Theatre costumes must be handled with care since they're often laced with something.
What do you call two crows flying together?
An attempted murder
A German walks into a bar and asks for a martini. The bartender asks, “Dry?”
The German replies, “Nein, just one.”
Go to BabaMail
