Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?'
He said 'No, just up to your neck'
I checked the meat thermometer, and you’re officially one hot bird.
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
Frank Sinatra
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
I was conned into believing that my hotel room in Moscow had free Wifi.
I remember the ad saying: Internyet.
You have to hunt down a troll and kill it with a gun. After you find it, you accidently lose sight of it. In rage, you fire your gun. The bullets hit the troll and it dies.
What do you tell the person who sent you on the quest?
- I lost gun-trol.
Can I have your number so I can call when I need a ride to your heart?
“The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.”
- Lane Olinghouse.
That romantic cow took his new girlfriend to the moo-vies.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Five syllables here.
Seven more syllables here.
Are you happy now?
The next round the wolf showed up at the butchery, he was arrested. This is because he was being tracked by the police for chop lifting.
How is a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
What is a flamingo's favorite ride at a theme park? The flamingo-karts.
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
The male pig puts everyone to sleep.
You might say he’s quite a boar.
A chap sees a zebra sitting on a seat beside him in the cinema eating popcorn. He says “what are you doing here?” The zebra says, “well, I enjoyed the book”.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
In Ancient Greece, people who had beliefs contrary to the worship of Poseidon were executed for Heresea.
"I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract."
Both tournament directors published the schedule at the same time. It was a draw.
I'm sorry did you say you drove the ski-doo, what's your ring size?
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
I've had bad luck with European women:
Ginger Vitis -- such bad breath
Anna Phalaxis -- kept fainting
Anne Gina -- broken heart (her brother-in-law Arthur Itis was such a pain)
Di Abetes -- too sugary sweet
Pam Creatis -- made me sick to my stomach
Lauren Gitis -- too quiet
Rose Acea -- A bit rash for me
Amazingly, antelope stew,
Is supposedly better for you.
Than a goulash of rat,
Or Hungarian cat,
But I guess that something you knew.
“Winter blues are cured every time with a potato gratin paired with a roast chicken.”
– Alexandra Guarnaschelli
I’ll never leaf you.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
See snow evil, hear snow evil.
Several epidemics throughout history have many similarities in characteristics.
For example, many diseases evolved from poor hygiene between animals and humans and a rise in urban population and interregional communication. Many had very similar effects and modes of transmission.
Because of the similarities, many historians are looking into allegations of these diseases stealing each other's methods, committing plague-iarism.
What do you call rabbits that live at the North Pole? Cold.
What do koalas do when they’re facing a tough situation? They grin and bear it.
Which rangy centre could cover the whole ice? Jean Umbrelliveau.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
If you pull the pin out of a grenade, is it possible to put it back in it so it won't explode?
I kinda need a quick response...
What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?
Ones a crustaecian and the other is a crushed Asian.
“It doesn’t matter how low the dollar will go, I will always bend down and pick it up.” ~ Anonymous
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
It’s so hot that I renamed my pig “Bacon.”
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you! and I want the whole world to know it.
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
You must be the one for me… Since my selectively permeable membrane let you through.
Go to BabaMail
