I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
What do you call a fruity pop star? Katy Peary.
Baby, when you're near me my heart beats like a hedgehog's. That's about 300 beats a minute.
You owe me a drink, you're so ugly I dropped mine when I saw you.
Prague is my number one choice for a dream destination...
Dying to Czech it out
The other day I told a joke about an armored vehicle with a rotating gun turret.
It tanked.
Where is the ghost going on holiday the next year? Lake Eerie.
I'm beginning to suspect that the Tinnitus Hotline isn't actually staffed
Any time I call, it just keeps ringing.
Q: What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up?
A: It blossoms
What did the bear say when he got a joke? He just bear-ly had a chuckle!
Why did the tectonic plates break up?
It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
How do you make a mango shake?
You take it to a scary movie.
A blonde is a living person with a specific hair color, and a bowling ball is an inanimate object used in the sport of bowling.
“Candy is nature’s way of making up for Mondays.”
— Rebecca Gober
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
Why don’t tigers like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
Let’s make like a banana and split.
I’ll always be running-back to you.
What do cars play at the weekend?
Golf.
Why don't cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
There was a young lady of Kent.
Whose nose was most awfully bent.
She followed her nose,
One day, I suppose,
And no one knows which way she went.
This event is sure to be out of bounds.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant? Lots of memory!
If your boat turns upside down in the river, you can wear it on your head because it's capsized.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
How do elephants bathe?
With their trunks on.
Windmills? I’m a huge fan!
My real costume is at home in a box under my bed.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
Why did the college football team stop smoking
They lost all their matches.
Want to start a Hula band that covers music by Poison.
Gonna call it Poi, Son.
Did you hear about the geologist who went to jail?
He was charged with basalt and battery.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
Apart from being a running gear model, what do you do for a living?
What can I say? I enjoy going to court.
So sue me.
Why does no one trust the man on the moon?Why does no one trust the man on the moon?
Because he has a dark side!
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
“You only live once… Lick the bowl!”
― Unknown
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
What do you call a party for snowmen? A snowball.
Did you know Father Time is actually really good at boxing?
Yeah, he can clock you a good one.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
I’ve got to ask are you Facebook?
Please tell me if it’s true,
I’m pretty sure you are indeed,
Because, baby, I like you.
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