What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
Your skin is smoother than the finest panna cotta.
How is Big Foot so good at rock climbing?
He always finds the biggest footholds.
She stood on the balcony, inexplicably mimicking him hiccuping, and amicably welcoming him in.
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because their feet smell.
Alabama changed the drinking age to 34.
They want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
Why are parrots so loyal? They are a man of their bird!
If Messier retires he's sure to be moosed.
There was an Old Man of Kilkenny,
Who never had more than a penny;
He spent all that money,
In onions and honey,
That wayward Old Man of Kilkenny.
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
I ate an omelette for breakfast…
but I’m still feeling peckish.
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
I’m trying to find a date for this weekend…do you Noah guy?
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
Are you French? I want to take a french kiss from you.
Hypochondriacs aren't OK
What do stylish frogs wear?
Jumpsuits.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
She sells seashells on the seashore.
The shells she sells are seashells, I’m sure.
And if she sells seashells on the seashore,
Then I’m sure she sells seashore shells.
I red a joke about colors once.
It blue my mind.
I wish I was Tim Horton's coffee…So I could get close to your lips.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a four-leaf clover?
The Cluck o’the Irish!
Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Hurricane
Hurricane who?
Hurry! Cane you jog away from the storm?
Wondering what crows wear during Halloween, well, they wear caw-stumes.
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
Are you sitting on a candle? Because your booty is on fire.
What did the river say to the beaver? You look so tide'y.
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
Why doesn't Daniel Tosh eat Hot Dogs? He can't find the zipper
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
Why was the crab embarrassed?
Because the sea weed.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
Deaf mute gets new hearing
What do football players wear on their heads? Helminth
“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
"Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me, but then I remember I put up with you, so we're even." - Unknown
Oh, this flower in my hand? I was just showing it how beautiful you are.
“You only live once… Lick the bowl!”
― Unknown
Two fish are swimming in a river, when one of them hits a concrete wall. He turns to the other and says: "Dam"
"Technology is getting smarter and smarter: smartphones, smartwatches, smart homes… Only people remain stupid no matter what."
- Anna LeMind
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Want.
Want who?
Want, who ... three, four, five!
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
Why can you tell that Theresa May failed physics?
She had power and time but didn't get the work done.
Nice Skates...Wanna Cross the Blue Line with Me?
Go to BabaMail
