What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.
"Family Love"
A thread of love joins us all;
It's flimsy.
At times it trembles;
Almost breaks.
A thread of love joins us all;
It's slender
And subtle.
But when things get rough,
It tautens,
Becomes tough,
And hauls us back together.
– Alison Jean Thomas
Bill Murray
“Do you ever get halfway through eating a horse and go ‘you know, I’m not as hungry as thought I was’?”
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
What's long, surprisingly bigger than expected, comes in different colors, and everyone wants a ride from?
A limousine.
Why did the blond enter the tennis courts naked?
Because the sign said tennis shoes only.
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?
Bernadette.
How did the hotdog overcome his fear of ketchup? He mustered up the courage.
What Do You Call A Duck That Steals?
A robber ducky.
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff,
Ba-dum-tss
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
What do Ents wear to the beach?
Sandalwood.
What do they use to get a tan?
Palm oil.
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
There was an Old Person of Dover,
Who rushed through a field of blue Clover;
But some very large bees,
Stung his nose and his knees,
So he very soon went back to Dover.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
Has the abominable snowman called?
Not Yeti.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
Why was the teenager deer a bad driver?
He didn’t want to use the deering wheel.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
I bought a bunny because everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
What is a ghoul's favorite soup?
Ghoul-ash.
How many knees do men really have? 3 - right knee, left knee and their wee-knee.
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
Ask for opinions.
Mull it over. Then you can.
Just do what you want.
Why was John always at the casino? He’s addicted to gambling.
Wow, you’re such a catch. I could never let you Chlo-e.
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
Limp Bizkit.
"Room service? Send up a larger room."
I had a bet on a giraffe race yesterday but my selection lost.
It was nowhere near winning – it lost by a neck.
What’s ET short for?
So he can fit in the spaceship!
What do men and mascara have in common? They both run at the first sign of emotion.
What do you call an alligator that will only eat sacrificed lambs?
A hallaligator.
How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!
My mind works like lightning.
One brilliant flash and it's gone.
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son
"Beehive!"
I couldn't figure out why that ball in the sky kept getting bigger...
Then it hit me.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
Dracula always read the best selling local newspaper because he heard that it had a good circulation.
A Zen Monk is talking to a hot dog vendor.
"What will you have?" asks the vendor.
The Monk says, "make me one with everything."
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs bunny
Why do Bigfoots like to tell jokes?
Because they're killer comedians.
What did the married deer couple say to each other? I love you deer-ly!
What do you call a rapper working at Cold Stone? Scoop Dogg.
Why did Frankenstein turn to solar?
For the free charge.
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