I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
Ain’t no mountain high enough to keep me from you.
What did the computer say to the other after a 16 hour car ride?
"That was a hard drive."
A young man had just returned home from culinary school and was telling his family about everything he had learned.
"The most interesting thing I learned was about the French Fry", he told them.
"Combing through historical records, we found that it was not first fried in France!"
His family was astounded, and asked where it was fried originally.
"In Grease, of course."
What's green and dangerous?
A frog with a hand-grenade.
You snooze. You booze.
Australia announced that they have begun dumping sewage into the ocean
It’s now classified as an in-continent.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
We’ll have a splash-tastic time.
My girlfriend tried to make me have se* on the hood of her Honda Civic…
But I refused. If I’m going to have se*, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
“I gotta warn ya, every man I’ve ever gone out with has been ruined.”
“Well, that’s what they get for messing with my girl.”
- Bugsy (1991)
Let me give you another reason to feel thankful this year. 😏
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie? It's the one rated Arrrr!
I see a sea down by the seashore.
But which sea do you see down by the seashore?
Twinkle Twinkle little star,
what a c*nt I think you are.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
What do the astronauts put on their lunch toast? Space jam.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school? A skipping stone!
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
It is only late August, yet the leaves are already turning brown. Autumn came early this year. Orange you glad?
A weeping camel is known as a humpback wail.
Knock knock. Who's there?
You're.
You're who?
You're single again.
Why was there lightning and thunder in the lab?
The scientists were brainstorming.
Why does cheese look normal? Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.
Talk literary to me.
I was going to read Proverbs 31, but then I realized I could just study you instead.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Mary Christmas!
You're as intoxicating as home distilled liquor.
The fact that we were asked to leave our beautiful purple color house by the owner is still purplexing for me.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
“Good morning. Keep calm and pretend it’s not Monday.”
Are you a lion of the sea? Because I’m sure, I’ll see you in my bed tonight, lion.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
There once was a man from Tibet,
Who couldn't find a cigarette.
So he smoked all his socks,
and got chicken-pocks,
and had to go to the vet.
“My daughters only six months old and already drawing. I’d hang it on the fridge, but honestly, its absolute garbage.” – Ryan Reynolds
What is a mathematician's favorite part of a big Thanksgiving feast?
Pumpkin pi.
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
What’s the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?
One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!
I'm pretty sure I was blind before I met you.
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
Where do cows go on vacation?
Moo York.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
I’d hike every trail in the world if I had you next to me.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
Who was Shakespeare's reptilian cousin?
Snakespeare
Sorry sweety, but I think I'm in love with your mom.
What's the Kraken gonna give you that'll make you laugh uncontrollably?
Ten Tickles!
Are you backpacker? ‘Cause you got this whole “being attractive” thing in the bag.
Go to BabaMail
