Baby, are you a slippery pool deck? Because I’m falling for you.
What happens before it rains candy? It sprinkles.
The skeleton was scared of going skiing, he didn’t want to wrist it.
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
What did the therapist say to the pineapple? Look on the bright side.
I keep thinking I'll make breakfast pancakes, but I end up waffling.
2 flies are playing soccer on a plate.
One says to the other "you'd better pick up your game Louie, we're playing in the cup tomorrow".
What kind of key has no lock?
A turkey.
I can turn your software into hardware.
After the rain has cleared and the sun comes out, rainbows are so quick to appear they'll red like wildfire.
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
"Dear Brother of Mine"
Happy birthday,
dear brother of mine,
You're just a year older,
which is perfectly fine.
There's no reason,
to worry nor stress.
Just relax,
and go play some chess.
I'm not saying,
your birthday should be boring.
You wouldn't want,
your guests to start snoring.
But keep in mind,
this day is all yours.
So forget about,
doing those chores.
Happy birthday,
dear brother of mine.
Enjoy your birthday,
the next one is mine.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Irish.
Irish who?
Irish you a nice day.
I hate Russian dolls, they’re so full of themselves.
What do you call a lie told by a skeleton?
A fibula.
The slogan of a televangelist
"God will grant you all the money I need."
What do ponies look for in a vehicle?
Lots of horsepower.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
What type of diet did the snowman go on?
The Meltdown Diet.
“My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now that when people wave at me, they use all their fingers.”
Jimmy Carter
What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.
German tourist visits France.
Guy at the Airport: "Nationality?"
German Dude: "German".
Airport Guy: "Occupation?"
German Dude: "Nein, nein, Only Vacation".
Why are frogs great outfielders?
Because they never miss a fly.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
Every single morning I get hit by the same bike.
It's a vicious cycle.
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
What did God say to the polar bears when they told him they hate spring and summer?
Well, they can't all be winters.
What did the diamond say to its friend copper? Nothing, silly, minerals don’t talc!
Which side of a koala bear has the most fur? The outside!
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Q. Which book makes virgin gorillas blush?
A. The Naked Ape.
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
Don't get too close to a vampire, they have a serious case of bat breath.
What do you call an immature goat?
A silly billy.
I'm trying to think of a weather pun, but my mind's kinda cloudy now.
What did a sign say outside the pet shop? Buy 1 dog get 1 flea!
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He was feeling really crumbie!
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
Q. How does a tree get on the computer?
A. It logs on!
What do you call a 1 cent coin in Italy?
A penne.
(Staring at boxes of cereal) I treat all boxes with respect.
What do you say when you are happy with how life has been weeks before Easter? It’s so far been an egg-cellent spring.
Are you made of fluorine, iodine, and neon? ‘Cause you are F-I-Ne.
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
I like your wart, want to see a few of mine?
Go to BabaMail
