It's hunting season and fox like you shouldn't be out in the open!
I'm tired of this old broom. Got anything else I can ride?
It’s so cold mum used a saw to serve us milk.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than continue seeing you!
I don't normally like girls who wear red coats. But, for you I'll make an exception.
What’s a spiders favorite barbecue food?
Corn on the cobweb.
Baby, we need to get together before Christmas, because you can't spell "love" with No-el.
Why didnt the moon have any more to eat.
Becuase it was full
What does Willow Smith say to her pets? I whip my hare back and forth.
Wife says to her husband: "Choose, either me or the soccer game!"
He responds: "Give me 90 minutes to think."
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
Why can't men get mad cow disease? Because they are pigs.
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
I have 3 eyes , 2 noses and a mouth. What am I?
Ugly.
The stage is the most hygienic place in the world. Every time we turn on the lights they get a wash.
According to my therapist, I have extreme trouble verbalizing my emotions.
Can’t say I’m surprised.
I got fired from my job as a taxi driver. It turns out my customers didn't like it when I tried to go the extra mile.
What did the turkey say during Thanksgiving?
It was too stuffed to say anything.
What do you call a criminal vampire?
A fangster.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Roses are red, violets are blue, Antarctica is hot compared to you.
I told my husband that the National Zoo's sloth bear gave birth but ate two of the three babies. He said "now she's guilty of 2 deadly sins: sloth and gluttony."
It was so hot that my gold jewelry melted.
What’s a horse’s favorite dinosaur?
The broncosaurus.
Do you ever wake up, kiss the person beside you and feel glad you are alive?
I just did and apparently I will not be allowed on this airline again!
It’s so cold we have to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our clothes!
When it comes to getting things done, my work ethic is like lightning.
I take the path of least resistance.
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
What do you call an alligators nurse?
Gator-aid.
Twinkle Twinkle little star,
how I wonder where you are.
Giant thermonuclear reaction,
held by gravitational attraction.
Twinkle, twinkle little star,
you look small since you're so far!
"Private! I didn't see you at camouflage practice today!"
"Thank you sir!"
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
The latest thing in flooring are these ductile floor tiles. They’re great because they’re flexible but...
They have a tendency to quack.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
The soup that she cooks is so thick that the kitchen would go around when she stirs it.
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
"Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me, but then I remember I put up with you, so we're even." - Unknown
If a goat grows a beard, is it a goatee?
What kind of music do frogs listen to?
Hip hop.
Whens the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
Green seemed to disappear from the rainbow it came back in full force, olive and kicking.
Why was the crocodile invited to glamorous parties?
Because she was a snappy dresser.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Why is research more trustworthy if it comes from France?
It's Pierre-reviewed.
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