What did Mars tell to Saturn? Give me a ring sometime!
Living in france must be hard
I mean, 100 dollars is only a cent.
Maybe you need a little Vitamin ME in your life.
I lost my cat in a snowstorm!
But he should be fine because he's a cool cat.
How do you make a telephone in the jungle?
With toucans and a piece of string.
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
What did the ground say to the earthquake? You crack me up!
Ooh, I love your accent. What is it, agogic?
Are you a dog? Because I'd like to throw you a bone.
Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's out of business. And, speaking of Hershey's, how about a kiss?
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
Hey, do you still remember me? Oh, that’s right. We only met in my dreams.
What is an ogre's favorite snack?
Y-ogre-t.
I think there’s something wrong with my eye. I can’t take them off of you.
What's a pun's favorite love song?
"My Punny Valentine!"
Black ice isn't the only thing I'm falling for.
The only problem with golf is...
The slow groups are always in front of you and the fast groups are always behind you.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Let me give you another reason to feel thankful this year. 😏
What were the ponies most excited for in the meal?
The main horse.
The first time I saw your hiking boots, I knew we were sole-mates.
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the Keyboard Factory?
He didn't put enough shifts in.
How can a camel walk the desert without getting hungry? Because of all the sandwhiches there.
How did the coconut hit on the pineapple? It said ” you are the pina to my colada.”
I have a butcher friend in London. Last week he caught a huge sea creature in the river there and made it into sausage. It was the beast of Thames. It was the wurst of Thames.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing? “I’m not a people porcine.”
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
What's the difference between a seal and a sealion?
An electron or two.
The success in this sport is not how you bowl, but how you roll.
What quarantine really taught me?
That you don't really need fun to have alcohol.
Therapist: You have acute marriage phobia. Do you understand the symptoms?
Me: Can’t say that I do.
Therapist: Exactly. That’s the main one.
How do you stop an Internet troll?
Seize their memes of production.
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
What’s the spiciest way to clean a horse?
With a curry comb.
It's not that I don't want to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen
I'm no curler, but I think I could sweep you off your feet!
Why are geologists never hungry?
They lost their apatite.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
What did the astronaut’s fiancé say when he proposed to her in open outer space? She said, “I can’t breathe!”
The snow leopard appeared just at the time our guide predicted it. It appeared white on time!
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
You can hold my hand if you're afraid of camp fire stories.
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